Last weekend, I did something that I think is super important for everyone to do at least once in their life. I went away all by myself. I left my family and all the “mom things” behind that I usually do for 36 hours of much needed alone time. I needed to gain a fresh perspective on my life.
This is a luxury that I don’t often indulge in. I love my family and I love being with my family. That urge to “get away from it all” is not something that I am very familiar with, but when that urge comes, it’s usually because I am drained; physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. That’s where I found myself a few weeks ago, and I knew it was time to step away.
If you are a parent, you know that our job can be super taxing on multiple levels. We give and give and give of ourselves, and then when we are pretty sure we don’t have anything left, we somehow are able to give some more. Food in the cupboards, meals on the table three (or more) times a day, clean clothes on all the bodies, taxi service 24/7, teacher, counselor, mentor, referee, judge, organizer of schedules, wiper of tears, snot and all other bodily fluids…and this is just the physical needs that we meet everyday. How about all the praying, the agonizing about the different stages our kids are in or the fear of failing our family that tends to creep up on us so often?
Our school year is quickly approaching, and I realized that if I was going to start this year off well, I first had to tend to my own needs. There is no way that I would be able to meet everyone else’s needs for the duration of another school year if I was trying to draw water from a well that was painfully dry. What I needed was a personal retreat.
If you’ve never taken a personal retreat then you are most likely due for one. Family vacations don’t count. A romantic get-away with your spouse doesn’t count either. Both of these are absolutely wonderful and I definitely encourage them, but neither of them will provide you with the same results that a personal retreat can. Let me share with you what my retreat looked like.
CHOOSE YOUR LOCATION
First, I needed to choose a place that I could get to with not too much travel time. If you are consumed with the hassle of getting to your destination, then you are going to end up arriving there super frazzled, and it will take you time to settle down from your trip. This is not a great way to start a retreat.
I chose to go about 2 hours away, to the eastern shore of Maryland. I have family there, and I was blessed to be able to use this wonderful little boathouse situated on the beautiful Choptank River. My uncle built this house for his in-laws to be used specifically for retreats. It’s not very big, but it was perfect for my needs.
CHOOSE HOW LONG YOU WILL STAY AND PREPARE ACCORDINGLY
One or two nights is usually a good amount of time for a retreat like this. I chose to leave early on Saturday morning and come home Sunday evening. This gave me almost 2 full days of refreshing my body as well as my soul. I packed enough food to last this entire time so that I wouldn’t need to drive anywhere. I chose simple meals that didn’t need much preparing. Things like chips and salsa, microwave dinners and already prepared salads. If you end up in a hotel like I did for my first retreat, restaurants can be relaxing during this time as well. Take the opportunity to let someone wait on you for a change!
MAKE A LIST OF ALL THE THINGS YOU WANT TO BRING
My list was relatively short. I took a notebook and pen, several different books, my clothes, toiletries, food and lots of water. I also brought my bathing suit and towel so that I could go kayaking on the river!
BE PREPARED TO STAY OFF OF SOCIAL MEDIA
One great way to eat up all of your time on a retreat, is to get sucked into spending time on Facebook, Instagram or any other social media. Remember, you are here to get away from it all and be by yourself! You can do without those things for two days, I promise. I did pack my phone and charger. I had to be realistic and not make myself COMPLETELY unreachable. I also use my phone for pictures, and the river is such a great place to capture God’s creation!
CLEAR YOUR MIND BY SPENDING TIME PRAISING GOD
Once I was settled in and got all of my things put away, I grabbed my notebook and wrote down as many attributes and characteristics of God that I could think of, and while writing them, I praised Him for those things. This helped me to get the focus off of all of my problems and anything that was going on back home, and onto the One who is in control of all of the things that had been consuming my mind. There is no better way to start off this time than by glorifying the One who invites me to lay all of my cares at His feet and who says, “Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”
GET RID OF ANYTHING STANDING IN YOUR WAY OF COMMUNICATING WITH GOD
After spending time praising God, I spent the next bit of time confessing any sin in my life that I was aware of. My list included things like losing patience with the kids, spending too much time on my phone and not showing my husband often enough how much I love and appreciate him as my spouse and the father of our kids. I wanted to make sure that I was right before God before I began to pour out my requests to Him.
POUR OUT YOUR HEART
At this point, I was ready to begin talking to God about all of things that were weighing on my heart and mind. I grabbed a kayak and headed out onto the river to pray. I spent several hours drifting around the river while I prayed in depth for every single person in my family. I prayed for specific needs as well as for wisdom to know how to be a better wife and mom and to know how to best serve in these roles. I prayed for direction. I prayed for grace. I prayed for my friends. I prayed until I had nothing left to pray about.
REST YOUR BODY
After hours of paddling around, I was tired and I was hungry! I had a tasty little lunch and then a much needed nap. It’s not easy for me to justify taking a nap back at home (although I do take naps occasionally) but one of the reasons I take these retreats is to catch up on my physical rest, so I took advantage of the fact that nobody needed me for the next two days,and I slept when needed. I think I took 2 naps the first day, went to bed around 8:30 and then napped the next day as well. It was truly wonderful!
START A BOOK THAT YOU’VE BEEN WANTING TO READ
I love a good book.I used to read all the time. If you would ask me what I was reading, sometimes I would tell you about several books that I was reading at the same time. Not so much these days. I still love to read, I just don’t take the time to do it as often as I would like. When I get into a good book, I tend to tune out of everything else going on. Yeah. Not really a good thing when you are trying to run a house, school your kids or serve your husband. So, I don’t read as much as I would like. That is why I love to get into a new book or two when I go away. I brought a few devotional books that I wanted to check out as well as a good old Christian romance novel. I read the entire novel and I decided on my next book to use to supplement my quiet time. Yay for reading time!
ENJOY THE QUIET
This is one of my favorite parts of a personal retreat. I think that one of the most important spiritual disciplines as well as one of the most difficult to practice, is the discipline of silence and solitude. Praying comes pretty easily, especially when you are at home with all of your little “blessings” running around. Rapid fire prayers are sent toward heaven all day long. Prayers like, “God, give me patience”, “God give me grace”, “God, give me wisdom” or the most common prayer for a mom is simply, “God, HELP!” I often fall asleep praying at night and I take time to pray in the early hours of the morning after saying goodbye to my husband as he goes off to work. What I don’t often get, is enough time alone to experience real silence so that I can hear God talking back to me and answering those prayers. When you have a relationship with someone, the best way to communicate is through conversation. It’s really hard to learn anything about the other person if you are always the one doing all of the talking. That is why I loved the quiet that I got while I was at the river. I could finally stop and listen long enough to hear what Jesus wanted to say to me. Sometimes He answered requests that were made and other times He showed me areas of my life that need improvement. Most of all, He simply assured me of His great love for me.
Watching sunrises and sunsets is one my favorite things to do, so when I saw the pink sky through the window of the boathouse, I got out of bed and grabbed my phone, my jacket and a warm blanket and headed outside to take in the beauty and to enjoy the quiet of the early morning.
The rest of my Sunday was spent doing more reading, praying, listening to some worship songs and sitting on the deck of the house simply basking in the beauty of God’s creation. I had lunch, tidied up, took a nap in the sun and then loaded up my things and headed home feeling like a different person than when I arrived just the day before.
Your own personal retreat probably won’t look anything like mine. Every person has different needs that have to be filled in different ways than anyone else. Getting out into nature might not be your thing. Maybe you’re more of a soak in a hot tub full of bubbles kind of person, or maybe you need to go sit on a beach somewhere listening to the waves crash and the gulls cry. Whatever helps you to relax and unwind and ultimately be refreshed in body, mind and soul, is something that you should take the time to indulge in every once in awhile. Your kids might not understand why you want to leave and go somewhere alone, but ultimately, your family will thank you when they see the difference that it can make when you come back to them refreshed, invigorated and ready to face life again.
