I think that a common mistake or assumption that is made in marriage, is that once you start having kids, the honeymoon is over and your role as wife takes back seat to your role of mom. In my opinion, that couldn’t be farther from the truth! If nothing else, I believe that the stronger the relationship between husband and wife while there are kids in the home, the more stable your home will be and the more likely your marriage will last a lifetime. Our kids need to know that they do not have first place in our lives, or even second, for that matter. Our relationship with Jesus should take precedence over everything in our life, and second only to that relationship is the one that we share with our spouse.

25 years ago, after almost 5 years of dating, I married my best friend. 11 months later, we had our first baby. Our beautiful little girl went on our first anniversary date with us since we didn’t live near family at the time and had no desire to leave our precious treasure with anyone else. Fast forward to our tenth anniversary. We had 6 kids and we were expecting number 7 in just a few months. We loved every minute of parenting our small crowd, but, as you can imagine, we didn’t have tons of time for just the two of us. Now we have 10 wonderful children ranging from ages 6-24, and after all of these years of parenting, my husband and I have never been closer.

Unlike a lot of married couples today, we don’t leave our kids over night very often. Going away for the weekend and kid-free vacations have never been our style, but that doesn’t mean that we traded our happily ever after together as husband and wife for our houseful of kids. Not even close!

In our early years of marriage, getting our kids to bed at a consistent time every night meant time alone in the evenings. Dinner and a movie on the couch together made for a perfect date night with my love! As the kids got a little older, we moved back near our families and were able to leave the house for our dates while the kids got time with their grandparents. Once a year, on our anniversary, we would go away for a night or two so that we could celebrate together without the distraction of kids. (Inevitably, we would end up talking about the kids most of the time.) Over the last handful of years, our kids have been old enough to take care of each other, and with “built-in babysitters”, getting out of the house with my hubby is a lot easier than in the past. Whether the dates were in-home, few and far between, spur of the moment or carefully planned out, they all had one thing in common: they were time spent with the man that I fell in love with 30 years ago!

If you find yourself in the role of mom first and wife second, its not too late. Start being purposeful in pursuing your husband!

• Plan weekly dates. If you can’t go out every week, have an in-home date. Put the kids to bed, pop some popcorn and watch a movie together, or put a movie on for the kids, and have a late dinner with just your spouse. If your kids are older and early bedtime is an issue, put a “do not disturb” sign on your bedroom door and disappear for the night.
• Be affectionate in front of your kids. Its okay if they walk in and catch you making out in the middle of the kitchen. After all, that should be a part of a healthy marriage relationship, and your kids need to see that you are madly in love with each other. Also, its super fun to watch your kids get embarrassed!
• Have each other’s back. Don’t ever put your husband in a negative light — especially in front of the kids. Don’t do it. Ever. Your kids need to see that you two are on the same team. They need to see you as a united front, working together to raise godly kids, not two people pitting one against the other trying to win the favoritism of your kids.You’re their parents. Being their “buddy” can come later, after you’re done raising them. Let them see you supporting each other’s decisions. If you have a problem with the way your spouse is dealing with the kids, discuss it in private, NOT in front of the kids, and especially not in the middle of meting out discipline.
• Let your spouse know that you are still interested in being pursued. Flirt with him. Leave him love notes. Hold his hand. Be proactive in planning your dates. Make him his favorite food and have a candlelight dinner. Wear that outfit that you know he thinks is sexy. Celebrate your marriage often.

I’ll be honest with you. I have not always been good at letting my husband know just how special he is to me. When we had six children all under the age of 10, I struggled with keeping my roles as wife and mother in the right order. Later in our marriage, I had a hard time being affectionate after we experienced 3 miscarriages in a row. It was during these times that our marriage weakened. We had a harder time relating to each other, and it felt like there was tension between us. Once I began putting my husband first again and treating him like he was the most important person in my life, our marriage became stronger than ever.

Something else that makes our marriage strong is communicating with each other. Since my husband is truly the love of my life and my best friend, we talk about all the aspects of our lives together. Anything that affects my life, positive or negative, big or small, affects his life as well, and vice versa. He tells me all about his day when he gets home from work and then he wants to hear about how my day went as well. We want to know when the other is hurting or struggling in any way and we want to share in each other’s happiness. When we took the vow to love and cherish each other for better or for worse, ’til death us do part, we didn’t take those words lightly.

Kids come after we fall in love, and one day they will all leave and move on and maybe have families of their own. When that happens, it will be back to just the two of you again. Will you be like newlyweds who have been dating for years, or will you find that you don’t really even know the man you married? Don’t end up as strangers with your soul-mate. Keep the fires of love and passion burning strong, and pursue the man you fell in love with.

To celebrate our 25th anniversary,our amazing kids sent us on a cruise for an entire week. As I said, we’ve never left our kids for very long, so a week away from them looked like a really long time. Once we got on that ship, however, we enjoyed every precious minute together and made memories that will last a life time.

My husband is my soul-mate, my confidante, my protector and my best friend. I can’t imagine doing life with anyone else, and I plan on letting him know that every single day for the rest of our lives.