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When Your Kids Reach Adolescence : I Kissed Sainthood Goodbye

Someone said to my husband the other day that after ten kids, we must have this whole parenting thing figured out. HA! Shoot. Not even close. This isn’t the first time someone has assumed that because we have a lot of kids, we must really know what we are doing. I get comments all the time from people who don’t know a thing about me, but from what they can see, they think my husband and I have it all together when it comes to raising kids. Comments such as, “You have ten kids? Oh, you must be a saint!” Honey, you haven’t seen me after I discovered that my seven year old made a “special mix” in the bathroom using all the soap and BRIGHT RED hair dye. Oh, and how about that time my husband and daughter brought home a puppy to surprise me? Not pretty. Yeah, I kissed sainthood goodbye when my first kid reached two.

When we had 8 kids that were all under the age of eleven, we felt like we did have parenting down to a fine art. We could change a diaper in the dark, get a kid dressed while they were squirming around like some wild demon possessed animal, we had potty training down to a science, all the kids were in bed asleep by 9:00, and home schooling at that time came pretty easy since everyone was in 6th grade or under. By the time I had kid number eight, I could nurse a baby and cook dinner at the same time, I would take all eight to the grocery store and not forget any items on my list, and I could pull off family vacation without a hitch. I would brag and say that we made it to church on time every Sunday with everyone clothed, fed, and in their right mind, but that actually never happened.

Enter the adolescent years. There is absolutely NOTHING that can prepare you for these years. Books on parenting, online tutorials, documentaries and even talking with other parents who have already raised kids going through puberty can only give you a glimpse of the nightmare you are about to face. Every single child handles this stage of their life in a different way, and each unique individual, God love ’em, will drive you up the wall, over the edge, to the brink of insanity and possibly to an early grave.

The first thing that you might notice in your pubescent teenager is a change in their emotions. We’ve hosted a very wide range of teenage emotions in our house over the years. Most of them were related to hormones in one way or another. Crying for absolutely no reason, angry outbursts, extreme sullenness or extreme exuberance, irritability, stubbornness, being absent minded and being extremely annoying. These are just the first ones that came to mind, but the list could go on and on.

The emotions are just the tip off the ice burg when it comes to young teenagers who are whacked out because of hormones! Something happens to their decision making abilities. It’s like they go offline or something. In our house we refer to this as the “duh factor”. You know when you ask your teen a normal question, like, “Did you take the trash to the curb this morning?”, and they look at you with a blank stare as if you were speaking to them in some unknown language? Yeah.The “duh factor”.

As these young teenagers began to get older, we had to start thinking about relating to the opposite sex. Oh. My. Goodness. Some of them were super interested and some of them wanted absolutely nothing to do with any of it. Others just accepted the fact that there was such a thing as girl/guy attraction and that one day it would probably affect them in some way or another. No two kids felt the same way about this subject, and so with each new teenager we had to approach it in a different way than we had before.

Something else happened when our teens began to get older. THEY WANTED TO LEARN TO DRIVE!! Why do we think it’s a good idea to put young people whose hormones are messing with not only their bodies, but more importantly their brains, behind the wheel of a ton of metal and send them hurtling down the road at speeds too fast for any parent to jump out of the car when said parent starts to lose their sanity?? Most teenagers often can’t perform simple tasks like putting their dirty clothes in the hamper or making their bed. What makes us think they will be okay driving themselves around? I am absolutely positive that most of the grey hairs on my head came from sitting in the passenger seat while one of my kids drove me around. Oh, and most of our kids learned to drive in our 15 PASSENGER VAN. Go big or go home, right? At least they’ll be good at driving whatever smaller vehicle they end up with. I will say, that it was really nice when my list of places to taxi kids around to began to dwindle due to the extra drivers, but getting to that point was no walk in the park.

So, some of our kids actually made it through those teen years and the unavoidable happened. We now have adult children. Four, actually, and one about to turn 18. Did things get easier once they became adults? Well, in some ways, yes, and in other ways its just as hard. While being an adult means more responsibility, more freedom and more maturity, it also means more problems. No, not more problems, just different problems.

You see, there is a fine line when it comes to parenting adult children. Telling them what to do is a thing of the past. You just counsel them and make suggestions based on years of experience, and then you lie awake at night and worry and pray that they listen to your advice and make wise choices. Unfortunately, they don’t always make the right choices and then you have to deal with the aftermath. These types of life lessons are probably some of the hardest that you and your kids will walk through, so, get some knee pads or cushions or something, because your prayer life is about to go into overdrive at this stage of parenting!

When our kids were younger, communication with them was fairly simple. As they got to be teens and young adults, communication became more and more difficult. Kind of like walking through a mine field. Some will tell you want they know you want to hear, some won’t tell you anything, and the others will tell you more than you probably ever wanted to know. We have always encouraged our children to have open communication with us. We love to hear what is going on in their lives, and we let them know that they can talk to us about anything. Often, we have been encouraged by late night talks with our older teens and young adults. We’ve talked about everything from school plans to relationship issues to long term life goals. We have also spent some of those times praying with and for our kids, asking for wisdom and guidance.

If anyone looks at our big family and thinks that we have it all figured out, it’s only by the grace of God that it has turned out that way. Our family is by no means perfect. There are ups and downs just like everyone else has. We struggle to make the right choices when it comes to raising our kids. Often we fail and have to apologize to our kids for not setting a godly example.

I know that most of what I’ve said appears to be all about the struggles of these later years, but truth be told, all of these struggles were well worth it. By God’s grace we are now getting to see a glimpse of what He has been working on while allowing us to be the tools He chose to use to shape and fashion these precious gifts that He entrusted us with.

Our oldest, Julia, works in a bank, is engaged to a godly man, and is involved in different ministries at her church. Jim, our oldest son, works at a Christian boarding school for troubled youth in Missouri. He gives 110% at whatever he does, and he is daily fleshing out 1 Timothy 6:11-12. Our second daughter, Christiana, graduated with honors from our community college at 18 and is now in Florida pursuing a career in nursing. She spent her last summer home teaching swimming lessons at a Christian camp and her 1 Peter 3 beauty truly comes from within. Mark, our second son, has spent the last two years teaching Bible lessons to 4-6 year old kids at the same camp. He has worked in the kitchen at McDonald’s and has had several opportunities to witness to his co-workers. Ephesians 5:19 comes to mind as I can often hear him playing his ukulele throughout the day. Our seventeen year old, Nathan, also spent his last two summers at the camp working at the pool. He is getting ready for his first day at the community college and is pursuing a career in herpetology. He has encouraged me over the last few years with his diligence to have time in the Word every single morning. I am amazed at God’s grace and goodness in allowing me to see my children blossom into such fine, godly adults.

Don’t be discouraged if you don’t think you are doing well at this whole parenting thing. If God didn’t think that you could handle raising kids, He wouldn’t have blessed you with them. Children are definitely a blessing, but sometimes we lose sight of this precious truth as we get caught up in the struggles that go hand in hand with parenting. It won’t always be easy, mistakes will be made, sometimes it will be downright heart breaking and it will usually make you ask God why He ever thought you could raise miniature humans into mature adults. I assure you, by God’s grace and tons of prayer, you can raise strong, independent, godly adults who will make you proud.

 

 

 

 

A Promise Worth Making

My beautiful daughter, Alyssa, just had her thirteenth birthday. She is the last of my daughters and the eighth in our line up to hit this wonderful teenage chapter of her life. I think it’s safe to say that this isn’t my first round-up when it comes to facing the hormone induced roller coaster ride that this particular phase of growing up brings, so yeehaw y’all!

We started out her special day with meeting her dad at a Japanese buffet for an early lunch together. I enjoyed introducing her to different types of sushi and watching her find pleasure in receiving the undivided attention of both of her parents – something that is not easy to attain when you have 9 siblings! It was a delicious meal and was truly wonderful for us as parents to have one-on-one time with our girl!

After our tasty lunch, we drove to a nearby church and pulled into the empty parking lot to sit and present Alyssa with her first gift of the day. We had picked out a beautiful ring with the August birthstone on it. This would be her purity ring.

Before presenting this gift, my husband brought out a list of agreements that he and I had prayed about and carefully put together eleven years ago, just before our oldest, Julia, had her thirteenth birthday. We decided early on in our parenting journey, that we wanted to make a covenant with each of our children when they got older. This covenant would be a promise not just between them and us as their parents, but all three of us would be making a promise to our heavenly Father.

While this covenant is worded a little differently for our boys then it is for our girls, the heart of the promise is the same. We are asking them to trust God’s design in placing them under our protection and in our care until they reach the place in their adult life when God leads them from our home to a new life independent from us as their parents. We are asking them to rely on the wisdom that we have gained through a life time of experience as well as studying God’s Word and to trust that we have their best interests at heart.

A big part of this promise is to agree to maintain their sexual purity and to be able to experience this for the first time with the person that they love the most, within the confines of marriage. Our desire for them is to allow God to bring the right person at the right time and for that person to be someone who is pursuing God and will value our son or daughter as precious and worth waiting for. While we are not planning any arranged marriages, we do ask that they allow us to have a say in their relationship decisions and that they be open to any insights or concerns that we may have about the person that they are dating.

We realize that this is not a common way of approaching guy/girl relationships in this day and age, even in the Christian community, but we believe that the purity of the children that God has entrusted us with is worth going against the modern way of thinking that can lead to poor choices, baggage from being involved emotionally and physically in multiple relationships, immorality, and far to often, failed and broken marriages. We are called to stand and be different, not to do things the same way as everyone else.

When we make this covenant with our children, we also present them with a ring to symbolize the commitment they are making. They will wear this ring on the fourth finger of their left hand, the same place that perhaps one day, they will wear a wedding ring. This can often lead to inquiries from others as to why they have a ring on that finger. We want our kids to be proud to wear their rings and not be ashamed to show that they are committed to purity. We live in a world where sin is lurking around every corner and temptation is waiting behind every door. These rings can also serve as a reminder to them of their covenant when they are faced with either of these.

We do not take this agreement lightly, and we make sure that our teens know the seriousness of what they are committing to. So far, eight of our kids have agreed to this covenant, including our birthday girl, Alyssa. We are proud of each one of them for being willing to take a stand for purity, and though it is not an easy or popular promise to make, we believe that it is a promise worth making.

Purity ring

The Greatest To-Do List Ever

If you are like me, you like to have a daily to-do list for your kids, and maybe even for yourself to keep everyone on task and get things done. This list may be the same every day, like that list of chores that MUST be done in order for your kids to receive privileges or allowance. Maybe this list is something you’ve put together for the summer of projects around the house that you want to get done before school starts up again. I have a mental check list that I use when company is coming over to make sure my home is clean and has a welcoming atmosphere. The chore chart for my kids breaks down into who has what room for a particular week and what particular tasks have to be done in order for that room to be cleaned properly. These lists can be really helpful. Daily routine makes a house run much smoother than if you try and “wing it” with the housework.

Chore assignments Chore chart

If I ditch the routine, I usually find myself in one of two places. The first one is what I like to call the mom martyr. You know what I’m talking about. I walk around the house doing ALL the chores, picking up ALL the messes, none of which I made of course, all the while thinking to myself how ungrateful the people living under this roof are, and how NOBODY cleans up after themselves, and maybe if I took all of their toys and video games away and they had nothing to make messes with, our house would be clean all the time. When I move into the kitchen, the mental tirade continues. “Oh, its okay to make your own food because you’re really hungry, but cleaning up afterwards…Oh right! That’s the maid’s job! Yup! I am just a glorified maid around here. Nobody appreciates all the work that I do for them. Sheesh! And then there’s the bathroom! Do these kids actually spit on the mirror when they brush their teeth, or is their aim actually that bad?? Speaking of aim, what about that toilet? Ew! Gross!” The reason that I call this the mom martyr, is because even though I have all these thoughts swirling around my head, I never once mention these things to anyone. I just silently fume while doing it all myself.

The other place I go to when we are without a routine is what I like to call mom on a mission. My kids would probably call it mom blows her top, but either way, it’s not pretty, and it’s anything but silent. ALL of my fuming is done rather loudly and if I can see you or hear you, or if I know that you are somewhere in the house, you’d better come running and listen to my ultimatum about either cleaning the house and pulling your weight or losing ALL the privileges! Signs are taped to the kitchen wall saying, “If the dishwasher is full of clean dishes, EMPTY IT! If the sink is full of dirty dishes, put them in the dishwasher or if the dishwasher is running, WASH ALL THE DISHES BY HAND!!!!!” Kids are running scared for the vacuum cleaner, broom, cleaning wipes and window cleaner. If a kid is REALLY smart, they escape outside to do yard work, because that has to be done too, but at least mom is busy yelling at all the people inside. I’m not proud of it, but that’s what happens if I don’t make my kids stick to their daily to-do lists.

I should probably mention that we don’t do allowance in our house. Everyone is expected to help out, because that is the only way our house will run smoothly. Now, we aren’t opposed to paying our kids for doing extra chores if they need to make some money, we just don’t think that our kids need to be paid for cleaning up after themselves. That being said, keeping them on task with their chores isn’t as simple as them not getting any money if they skip their chores. Consequences for work not done can have many different faces. Sometimes electronics disappear. Other times, it might simply be having to stop whatever you’re in the middle of (even sleeping) and being made to do the chore right then. Maybe you miss the next outing with friends or some other fun activity you wanted to do. I’ve even pulled the John Smith card and told them that they couldn’t have their dinner until the job was done. Turns out that eating can be an amazing incentive!

I have to be honest here and tell you that we have a vicious cycle that happens with chores in our house. The kids are really great about doing all their chores for a while, and then they start to let it slip bit by bit. I have to start calling people from their rooms to remind them to do their chores, or sometimes it gets to be bedtime and I ask if everyone did their chores that day, and there is either a volley of excuses and half-hearted apologies or it just gets really quiet and their silence speaks for itself.The lists work for about 6-8 weeks before the mom martyr hits, followed soon after by mom on a mission. After that, Dad gets involved and we have a family meeting. We talk about how a house with as many people as we have living under the same roof can’t run itself. Everyone has to do their share. My husband is my champion and makes sure the kids know that I am most definitely NOT a maid and that I should not be the one cleaning up all of THEIR messes. We remind them of their list of responsibilities, counsel them to do better, and then the cycle starts again.

We can use lists for all areas of our lives. Grocery lists, lists for what clothes the kids need, lists to keep track of school work, car maintenance, budget and on and on. What about my personal life? Is there a list to keep myself on task with that? Absolutely! There is a master to-do list that far too often, I seem to forget about. It can make anyone’s life run much smoother and will help make you into a person that others will look up to and admire. It’s a list that will also help you pursue a better way of living, and I can’t think of anyone who doesn’t want to better themselves. The things on this list are not always easy tasks to complete, but they are important for living a life that glorifies God. You can find this list in Romans chapter 12. I’ll paraphrase and put this list into modern, everyday terms:

  1. Love others with a genuine love.
  2. Hate evil and cling to what is good.
  3. Love others with a brotherly love.
  4. Do better than everyone else in honoring others.
  5. Don’t be lazy in serving God.
  6. Rejoice in hope.
  7. Have patience when you’re going through hard times.
  8. Constantly be in prayer.
  9. Give to the needy.
  10. Show hospitality.
  11. Bless the people that are unkind to you.
  12. Share in other people’s joy, but be willing to share in their sadness as well.
  13. Get along with others.
  14. Don’t be too proud to love on those less fortunate then you.
  15. Never be wise in your own eyes.
  16. Don’t repay evil with evil.
  17. Have integrity.
  18. Live in peace with everyone as much as it depends on you.
  19. Leave revenge up to God.
  20. Don’t give in to evil, rather overcome evil with good.

Like I said, not everything on this list is easy to accomplish, but it is what God desires of us. It’s a good thing that He is patient with us and will help us learn to model our lives after the life of His son, Jesus. We just need to be faithful in making the tasks on this list a daily habit. Just like our daily to-do lists help us to keep our houses in order, this list can help us to keep our spiritual lives in order, and maybe those watching us will recognize something different in our lives. Something real. Something that will point them to Christ.

 

Finding Truth In Gumballs

The other day, I had to run some errands and my 7 year old asked if he could come along. I told him that I would love his company and off we went! Our first stop was at the dollar store. As we were walking in, I noticed that Joe was clutching something tightly in his fist. When I asked him about it, he showed me 2 quarters that he had taken from his bank at home. He knew that the dollar store was going to be one of our stops that day, and he remembered seeing some of those candy machines there that you put coins in and turn the dial to get your treat. Every little kid has to get candy from one of those old machines at least once in their life, right?

After we finished paying for all of our items, Joe took his time to examine the contents of each machine so that he would get just the right candy. His first quarter he spent on a gumball. I was so surprised and delighted when he turned and handed it to me and said, “I bought this for Timmy, because I know how much he loves gumballs! Can you keep it safe for him?”

Timmy is my youngest son whom Joe has a love/hate relationship with at the moment. I believe that they are truly the best of friends. Joe is 7 years old and Timmy is 5 years old. All of their other brothers are much older than they are, so they are pretty close. These two are constantly with each other. They share a room, they share toys, and well, they pretty much share everything. However, spending that much time with someone comes with its challenges. They are easily irritated with each other. They have a hard time agreeing on things. Joe doesn’t want Timmy to touch ANY of his LEGOS, and Timmy hums. All. The. Time. He tells me that’s just the way God made him. While that’s true, I think it has more to do with the fact that Timmy doesn’t like quiet. If it’s too quiet, he’ll just start saying whatever pops into his mind, or he will hum. I think it’s adorable. Joe, on the other hand, most definitely does not. He gets super irritated with him and just wants him to go anywhere else then where he can hear him. This is why I was so surprised when Joe decided to spend his money on his little brother that day.

After choosing his own piece of candy from the machine, Joe and I started across the parking lot to our van. There on the ground, lying near the curb right where Joe could see it, was a shiny quarter. He looked up at me as if to ask if he was allowed to pick it up, and at that moment, I realized that I had been given a wonderful opportunity to share some seeds of truth with my precious son. I said, “Wow, Joe! You found a quarter! That’s so cool! You were super kind when you bought that gumball for Timmy, and I think that God saw that and wanted to bless you by giving you this new quarter to replace the one you spent on your brother! God loves to bless His children, especially when they bless others!” (From Luke 6:38)

Having that experience with my son made me think about all the opportunities to share truth with my kids that I had probably missed because I simply wasn’t looking. 2 Timothy says that we should always be prepared to preach the Word of God, and who better for this mama to preach to than my own kids? God needs to be a part of every single aspect of my life in order for my kids (and others) to see Him living in and through me, so I’m going to grab a hold of every opportunity to show my kids God’s truth in the ordinary, everyday moments that so often tend to pass by without being noticed. Moments like the other day when we saw God in a simple little gumball.

 

 

Home Made Ice Cream

Every Independence Day, for as long as I can remember, we have enjoyed a tradition of eating home made ice cream! This tradition started back when I was a little girl, and I have continued it with my own family.
I remember the week before July 4th, my mom would bring out the old ice cream maker and we would put all the ingredients in the metal canister, put the top on and plug it in. We would alternate handfuls of ice with sprinkles of rock salt and layer them until we covered the canister. My hands would get so cold! The motor was really loud as it churned the ice cream, but that was all a part of our tradition of making this delicious treat!
At first, we only made vanilla ice cream and then after a few years we found a decent recipe for chocolate as well, so we would make a gallon of each flavor. At some point in my later teenage years, my mom found a fabulous new recipe for our ice cream tradition. Oh my lanta! It is absolutely amazing! The secret is that you use instant Jello Pudding in the recipe.
After I got married and started my own family, my mother asked if I would take over making the traditional ice cream for our annual Fourth of July picnic. Of course I said yes, and she passed on the old ice cream maker for me to be able to share this great tradition with my own kids.
I had received an ice cream machine of my own as a wedding present, so we could now make the ice cream two gallons at a time, which was really helpful since we had a pretty sizable crowd when we all got together on the 4th with our growing families. Needless to say, two gallons just wasn’t enough for our crowd! We also decided that having only two flavors just wasn’t cutting it anymore, so, I set out to add to our traditional chocolate and vanilla. I started with just two additions, cookies and cream and chocolate brownie, and now I’m up to making eight different flavors of deliciousness, and I would love to share my recipes with all of you!

The Right Machine
First of all, you’re going to need a good ice cream maker. The machine we used when I was a child as well as the one I received as a wedding gift was a Rival brand. They’re great quality. This year when I was out in our garage where I store our ice cream makers when we aren’t using them, I accidentally knocked one of the motors down and it broke into several pieces. I immediately went online to Amazon to price a new machine. They do have Rival machines, but they aren’t the same as what I wanted, so I looked at the Hamilton Beach models. Not only are they a bit cheaper but they look just like the ones I already have with all of the same features. I went ahead and bought this one, and I was very pleased with the way our ice cream turned out!
Now that you know which ice cream maker to get, I can share this yummy recipe with you. As you will see from the list of ingredients, this is definitely not a fat free, sugar free or diet friendly recipe in any way. (Good thing calories don’t count on holidays, right?)
All of my flavors start with one of my two original flavors which are chocolate and vanilla. From there, the add-in possibilities are endless. I would love to hear what different flavors you come up with if you decide to try your hand at making ice cream!

You will need a lot of ice and a big bag of rock salt.

CHOCOLATE or VANILLA

3 (14 oz) cans of sweetened condensed milk

2 (6 oz) boxes of instant pudding (chocolate or vanilla for whichever flavor you are making)

1 1/2 tsp of vanilla

2 1/2 – 3 quarts of half and half

Put the first 3 ingredients into the metal canister and stir well before adding the half and half to the fill line.

Put the paddle in and the top on and then place the canister in the machine. Hook up your motor and then plug it in and let it spin for a minute before adding your layers of ice and salt. It should take anywhere from 20 – 45 minutes to churn. As the ice begins to melt, continue adding more ice and salt to keep the canister covered. The motor will slow down or stop completely when it’s finished. You can put the metal canister right in the freezer or you can pour your ice cream into your own container. We save gallon sized ice cream containers throughout the year just so we will have them for July 4th! I should mention here that I make 2 different flavors per batch of ice cream. I have two containers ready and pour half into each before putting my add-ins in.

 

CHOCOLATE BROWNIE

After churning your chocolate ice cream, just add bite sized pieces of brownies. I like to buy Little Debbie Cosmic Brownies and just pick off the candies. Keep in mind, I am making 8 flavors at a time, so I don’t take the time to make home made brownies for this. It still tastes amazing and is one of the kids’ favorites!

CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE DOUGH

This is an add-in for the vanilla ice cream. Confession time. I use a whole roll of Nestle’s pre-maid cookie dough for this. Yup. Raw eggs and all. We haven’t gotten sick off of it yet, so I’m not going to stop, but for those of you who prefer the egg-less option, you can make your own dough with this recipe.
Just cut up your dough and mix it in the churned ice cream before putting it in the freezer.

COOKIES N CREAM

Take an entire package of Oreos and put them in a gallon size ziploc bag. Crush them up or roll them with a rolling pin and then mix it into vanilla ice cream before freezing!

CHOCOLATE MINT COOKIES N CREAM

Use chocolate as your base, and then follow the directions for Cookies N Cream using mint flavored Oreos instead! I’ve only ever used plain and mint flavored Oreos, but with all the different flavors that they have, I’m sure that you could add whatever your favorite flavor is to make a new flavor!

SALTED CARAMEL/SALTED CARAMEL TRUFFLE

I put 2 flavors here, because not everyone is a chocolate lover like me! For both flavors, you’re going to mix up a batch of caramel sauce ahead of time so that you can mix it into your vanilla ice cream when it’s cooled down. If you want to add the “truffle” flavor, cut up a handful of Ghirardelli Dark & Sea Salt Caramel Squares and mix them in. This is my mom’s favorite flavor!

CHOCOLATE PEANUT BUTTER

This was my personal favorite this year. It has chocolate for the base. Take a cup of creamy peanut butter, a pinch of sea salt and 1-2 tablespoons of heavy cream. Mix it until smooth and then drop chunks of it into the ice cream.

The ice cream will need to freeze for at least 4 hours. I usually make mine several days in advance, since I always have tons of other food to prepare!

I hope that you enjoy this tasty tradition as much as we do!

Spending Our Summers Unplugged

If your kids are anything like mine, they really love to play video games. My little boys can’t wait until their school work and chores are all finished so that they can go play Lego Star Wars or Super Smash Bros on the Wii. My older school age kids usually like to grab their tablets and play Mine Craft or some other game. Even some of my adult children like to disappear after work and play on their XBox.

I’m actually not a huge fan of gaming, but I don’t think that there is anything wrong with it, as long as you play in moderation. In our house, all of your school work and all of your chores have to be finished before you’re allowed to get out the controllers, and even then, we have a time limit on how long you can play.

I AM a huge fan, however, of spending time outside. When the time is up for gaming, I send the kids out! Out for some fresh air and some good old vitamin D! You can never have enough fresh air. We have a nice back yard, a dog who will play ball for hours on end, and a trampoline just waiting to be jumped on. There are endless possibilities for what kids can do out in our back yard!

If it’s such a great place, then why do my kids come in after 10 or 15 minutes of wandering around aimlessly and ask if they are allowed to come back inside? Why do they tell me that there is nothing to do out there? If I tell them that they need to stay outside and play longer, a lot of times they just go and sit on the trampoline looking miserable or if I do let them come back inside, they usually just tell me that they are bored and that there is nothing to do. I know exactly why.

Addiction. There. I said it. My kids are addicted to screens. I think that most of you, if you’re being honest, could say the same thing about your own children. Kids in this day and age spend so much time playing inside, in front of a screen, that they’ve forgotten how to use their imagination. They are so caught up in what their high score is or what time their friends will be on so they can play against them, that they’ve lost the art of playing with someone. A lot of their conversation revolves around what games they are currently playing, or, if your kids are older, they’ve exchanged face to face communication with Snap Chat or texting or some other form of social media. Even we as parents get caught up in our own social media venues and watching our favorite TV shows and movies. Today’s culture is really, truly addicted to screens.

So, what can we do about this? Well, I believe, like any addictive substance, you have to stop using. Unplug the consoles. Dock the tablets and phones. Put the controllers away. Hide the power cord if you have to. Declare a video game fast!

For several years now, on our last day of school, I let the kids know that on a particular date, the games will be off for the entire summer. The first week is always really tough for them. They mope around the house saying that there is nothing to do. “I’m bored” is a phrase that gets really old after hearing it for the fiftieth time! They know better than to ask if they can play Nintendo though, because when this mama says that the games are off for the summer, then the games are off! Non-negotiable!

An amazing thing happens after that first week, though. I hear “I’m bored” less and and less and I begin to hear the happy sounds of children using their imaginations! Toys that have sat unnoticed are rediscovered and played with for hours. Suddenly, the back yard becomes an exciting place for endless adventures. All this in just one week of turning off those screens!

I’ll admit, I struggle with wanting the “me time” that I would get by letting the screens babysit my kids, but I love my kids too much to let them waste their summer hours sitting in front of a screen for hours on end. I have to ask myself, if my kids were addicted to drugs, alcohol, or porn, wouldn’t I do everything in my power to wean them off of those and get them interested in more life-enriching and healthier things? Then why is an addiction to a screen any different? Any one of those addictions affect the mind in a negative way – gaming included! One day my kids will be grown and moved out and I’ll have plenty of “me time”. I need to make the most of the time that I have with my children now while they are still at home. Isn’t losing my “me time” worth making sure my kids are living their life to the fullest extent and enjoying the wonders of God’s creation? Absolutely yes.

If my kids are going to be addicted to something, the only thing that I want them to be addicted to is their relationship with Jesus Christ. This is why we spend not only our summers unplugged, but also several weeks throughout the year. I’ve been entrusted with 10 precious gifts to raise and train by God’s grace, and I’m not here to raise junkies. I’m here to raise warriors.

Finding the Fruit in Your Kids

I love berries! They’re probably my favorite fruit. Strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, raspberries, wine berries…my mouth is watering just thinking about them! Have you ever been berry picking? I like to go to the local farm where we can pick our own strawberries. Berries just seem to taste better when you’ve picked them yourself!

I remember taking my girls to the strawberry patch a few years ago and when we first approached the plants, they were disappointed because there weren’t that many berries. I carefully lifted up the leaves of the first plant and showed them all of the delicious fruit just waiting to be picked by eager little fingers! Their disappointment quickly changed to excitement and they were off to fill their buckets! Of course, I told them to make sure to leave the green berries so that they could grow into beautiful, red, juicy berries for the next person to find and pick.

This reminds me of something I used to struggle with in parenting. Have you ever gotten frustrated when observing the spiritual state of your kids because you just don’t see any fruit? Or maybe your frustration comes more from the fruit that you DO see! Fruit like stubbornness, a quick temper, pride or selfishness. I mean, come on kids! Are none of our Bible lessons sticking with you at all? This can definitely get pretty discouraging at times.

Don’t lose heart! Sometimes, I think we just need to “pick up the leaves” and look a little closer to see the fruit that is growing in our kids. It’s not always going to be evident for all to see, but I believe that if we are faithfully instructing them and teaching them God’s Word, our kids WILL have fruit! Maybe it will manifest itself in smaller ways. For instance, my five year old came to the bathroom door (never fails, they always need SOMETHING as soon as I need to use the little girls’ room) asking if he could have some of the candy that I bought earlier that day. I told him that he could choose two and when I came out a few minutes later, he had brought out the bag and offered the candy to the rest of the family as well! Small fruit, but hey! He was practicing kindness AND sharing! That’s a win for me! We have to remember that our kids are still being grown into the people that God wants them to be and those little victories are the fruit growing in them that we are wanting to see. The fruit will get bigger as they grow and be more plentiful the closer they get to Jesus.

Sometimes, however, the fruit in our kids’ lives might look more like those green berries that just need some more time to ripen. I’ve seen this firsthand with my own kids. When they were younger, one of my kids was super stubborn. Actually, they still are, but I do have a point with this! I would get so frustrated at this kid! I could be teaching them something in school, and if I stated a fact about something and this kid disagreed, NOTHING I could say would change their mind. I would just have to move on and at some point, maybe years later, they would come to the conclusion on their own that I was actually right. (Imagine that!) When it came to food, picky doesn’t even begin to describe this kid’s eating habits! We aren’t the kind of parents to cater to that, though. We insist that our kids eat what is put in front of them and to be grateful that they have food to eat at all! If they don’t eat what’s on their plate at dinner, they will eat it the next morning for breakfast. Having the same meal twice has always worked in the past, but with this particular child, I reheated that plate for breakfast, lunch AND the next dinner! Yup. Definitely stubborn.

One day, I was discussing my frustration with my mother, and she gave me some wise words that have stayed with me ever since. She said, “The stubbornness that you see in your child today, may very well manifest itself one day as perseverance.” Wow! I really chewed on that one for awhile, and decided that I would use those wise words to encourage me every time I got frustrated with my obstinate child.

Turns out, my mom was right. My stubborn (now adult) child does indeed have the gift of perseverance, and those wise words have changed my perspective on how I see the fruit in all of my kids’ lives. You know the kid that is ALWAYS telling the other kids how and what to play? One day, they are going to be a fantastic leader. I have a kid who is extremely passionate when it comes to their emotions. When they’re happy they just cannot contain themselves. When they are sad, the world is literally coming to and end. When they are angry, well, just picture The Incredible Hulk. One day, they will redirect that passion and be on fire for the Lord.

When we are looking for the fruit in our kids lives, remember the berry patch. Not all the fruit is sitting out in plain sight, and some of the fruit might just need a little more time to ripen into something beautiful. Sometimes we just need to look a little closer to see that God is indeed at work in our kids’ lives.

Summer time: To School or Not to School

I absolutely love summer! I love everything about it. I love the long days where the kids are outside for hours. I love sitting out in the hot sun and getting my tan on. I love when my kids sleep in and I have a quiet house in the morning. (Okay, my 5 year old does NOT sleep in, but one kid makes a lot less noise then the whole crew.) I love the extended evenings, the picnics with friends, the lightning bugs that my younger kids like to chase around and bring back for me to see. I love the trips to the beach and sitting for hours in the sun while my kids play in the waves. I love the days at the river and the afternoons at the pool. I love my flip flops and tank tops. I love all the fresh fruits and vegetables! I just love summer. All of it.

I also love not having to school my kids during the summer. Don’t get me wrong. I love home schooling my children, and I want to do the best job that I can possibly do, teaching them and growing them into well-educated adults. I have had moms ask me if I school throughout the summer, and I am quick to give them a very emphatic “no”. I have realized that I need the summer break just as much, if not more, than the kids do. A burnt out, frazzled, tired of teaching, irritated at everything me, is definitely not the best version of me to be teaching my kids, well, anything!

So my opinion is that summertime is not the time for school, but it doesn’t mean that it isn’t the time to teach. In fact, it’s one of the best times for hands on teaching that we have, because we don’t have to fight the table of contents in our textbooks for time to show our kids the things that aren’t in a book. I don’t have any written plans for teaching my kids this summer, but I do intend to take every opportunity to help them learn about life every single day. I just need to be intentional in looking for those opportunities when planning out our summer adventures.

Here are some of my ideas for this summer:

PLAYING AT THE RIVER

We love to visit the different rivers around where we live. The kids take their boogie boards and walk up-stream a bit, and then they ride their boards down to where I am waiting for them. (I will note here, that I have at least 2 kids who are certified life guards and all of my kids have taken swimming lessons. Also, the water isn’t usually too deep where we hang out and I make sure that I can see my kids at all times.) This is a perfect time to talk about the different roles that the river can play. Water is the most essential ingredient for humanity. Rivers are used for irrigation, navigation and for hydro-power. It provides homes for many different animals, like the turtles and snakes that my kids like to catch! I’ve taught some of my kids how to skip rocks, build dams and make bowls out of river clay. The possibilities are endless.

STREAM ADVENTURES

Another thing that my younger kids and I have done, is get involved in the Harford Streams Summer Adventures. Visit the streams on their list, take a selfie at each one and win prizes. We’ve discovered some streams that we didn’t know about by taking part in this. It also raises awareness for protecting and restoring the area streams.

HIKING

One thing about living in Maryland, is that we have tons of great hiking spots around. Besides the obvious of hiking for exercise, there is a lot of nature out there to be explored, discovered and learned about! Teach your kids about the different kids of trees, or why the moss tends to grow more on the north side of the trees. Take a list with you and go on a scavenger hunt!  National parks usually have some great hiking trails, and most of them some sort of historical background that you and your kids can learn about. A few of my favorite places to hike are Harper’s Ferry, Cunningham Falls, Kilgore Falls, and Gunpowder Falls State park.

MESSY CRAFTS

You know all those times your kids wanted to do some really messy art project during the school year, but you absolutely did not want the mess in your house? Summer is the perfect time for those messy crafts, because you can do them outside! My daughter wants to tie dye shirts, and I’m sure there are tons of other messy crafts that we can get into as well.

SUMMER IN THE KITCHEN

While baking might seem like too warm of an activity for summer, you don’t have to use the oven every time to make tasty food! We have a 4th of July tradition in our house of making home made ice cream. We have 2 electric ice cream makers. We mix up about 6 gallons every summer. It doesn’t last very long in this house! Maybe this year we will use some of the ice cream to make cookie sandwiches!  I think we’ll give these Watermelon Ice Pops a try as well. My kids will have a blast coming up with some yummy treats to make this summer!

HARFORD COUNTY FARM FAIR 

If you’ve never been to the farm fair, I would suggest you give it a try this year! There are tons of farm animals, carnival rides, lots of booths giving away free stuff and a whole row of bounce houses that the kids love! There are several different contests, but our favorite has always been the watermelon eating contest. We’ve collected quite a few ribbons from this contest over the years! I’ll be at the fair for the whole week at the Beachmont Corn Maze booth. Stop by and say hi!

Summer time is here, and so is the time to put away our books and get outside! There will be plenty of time next school year for schedules, math problems, history and science. For now, I’m on break from school, and it feels wonderful!