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Our New York City Christmas Tradition

For the past three years, my friends and I have taken our kids to New York City to spend a day just before Christmas. This tradition started out as a conversation with my friend Karen. Our families had all just participated in a live nativity together, and she was talking about wanting to take her kids up to see the Christmas lights. When I told her that neither I nor my kids had ever been to New York City, we began to plan immediately for a trip for the next week, just before Christmas.

That first year, we had around 24 people in our crowd. Four of those were the moms, and the rest were little kids and teenagers. We were a bit of a hot mess trying to keep everyone together, but we had a great time! As per our usual field trip agenda, everything we had planned cost little to nothing, but we were still able to see a lot of stuff and we definitely covered a LOT of ground. Something like 10 miles…

I did a lot of research for this trip, and I was having a hard time finding a place to park two 15 passenger vans that wouldn’t cost us a fortune. I finally came up with the cheap solution of parking on Staten Island which cost us $8 for the whole day and then rode the ferry over to the city. The only caveat was that we would have to walk from Whitehall Street all the way up into Manhattan. This is a 4 mile walk with no stops along the way. We had multiple points of interest, so it ended up being a few extra miles once we had our route planned out.

A few of our stops that year included Ground Zero, The American Girl store and the Lego Store. We also stopped at Washington Square Park so the kids could run around for awhile. Yes, even after walking for miles, our kids needed to run and play. While we were at the park, we discovered that there was a film crew shooting for the show Blacklist Redemption. A few months later I looked up the show and found the episode from that day. Even though you couldn’t see any of our crowd, you could definitely recognize the sound of our kids screaming in the background! After that, we walked past several store fronts to see the Christmas displays on the way to our last stops at Rockefeller Center and Times Square.

We decided that first year to pack our dinner and stop for some authentic New York pizza for lunch. The waiter was mildly horrified when I asked him if the kids could have pineapple on their pizza. How was I supposed to know that pineapple on pizza in New York is a faux pas? Well, the tables turned after dinner, and I ended up being the one mildly horrified when I got the bill for dinner. We had only ordered 3 large pizzas with one topping each. After leaving the tip, I walked away with $100 less in my pocket and a vow to never buy pizza in New York again.

Our original plan that year was to walk up to Times Square, see everything we wanted to see and then walk back to the ferry and be back to our cars in time to eat our dinner. If you’ve ever been to New York City, you probably know right away that my plan would never work. No one can cover that much ground on foot and be finished by dinner.

We made it to Times Square by 6:00 and most of us wanted to cry when we realized that we would have to walk another 4 miles back to the ferry. We didn’t have money for a bus ride for that many people, and for whatever reason, none of us considered the subway. There was a man in Times Square that told us about a free bus that would take us back to the ferry. Needless to say, we were ecstatic and rushed to catch the bus which was indeed free and did indeed shuttle people to the ferry.

When we got off the bus, we discovered that we were at the NYC Ferry, NOT the Staten Island Ferry where we needed to be. We were still 4 miles away from where we needed to be. We were exhausted and hungry and weren’t even completely sure which direction we needed to start walking.

Thankfully, we had covered our trip in prayer, and God sent us a kind security guard at the NYC ferry who heard our sad tale and hooked us up with a FREE bus ride all the way back to the Staten Island Ferry. We had the whole bus to ourselves, and the kids sang Christmas Carols for our friendly bus driver all the way back to where we got off. It was truly a Christmas miracle in our eyes!

The second year went a bit smoother as we “discovered” the subway. We still parked at the same place, took the ferry and walked up to Manhattan, but this time we had a ride back planned for when we finished the day. We added a few stops this year and left some from the previous year out. Our crowd was made up of 25 kids and 5 adults and we walked 11 miles.

One of the highlight for this trip was stopping for lunch in Washington Square Park and meeting the “pigeon man”. We all had a chance to hold some bird food and have the birds flock around us, some of which ended up sitting on some of our shoulders, arms and even some heads!

The kids also enjoyed a trip to Dylan’s Candy Store. I mean, hey, what’s a few pounds of sugar between 25 kids when they’re going to walk it all off anyway? Am I right? It was a good trip.

Last week we took our third annual NYC trip. We had a slightly smaller group with 6 adults and 16 teen and kids. We decided to change things up a bit and after riding the ferry over, we took the subway all the way up to Central Park and spent most of the daylight hours exploring this beautiful park in the middle of the city.

I had a lot of stops planned for the day, but after a bumpy start that didn’t get us off of the subway until 12:30, we had to skip most of the southern end of the park so that we could make it to Rockefeller Center and Times Square to see the lights by the time it started to get dark. We walked to the Lego Store and then rode the subway again back to the ferry. Even with riding the subway up and back, we ended up walking nearly 15 miles before getting back to our vans!

All of these trips have been amazing memory-making experiences. Each year has been a little different. We’ve seen different things, had different people join and have stayed longer and walked more miles each year than the previous. The one thing that hasn’t changed is the bags that we pack for the homeless people each year.

We pack gallon bags with things like water bottles, granola bars, raisins, hand wipes and toothbrushes. We also stick a scarf in each bag that my mother-in-law makes each year. The kids each carry a backpack to hold their lunch as well as one of these bags. When we come across a homeless person in our walk through the city, the kids give them a bag and wish them a Merry Christmas. This, more than any of our other New York traditions, is what makes these trips so amazing. To see our kids being able to bless those less fortunate and to see them being the hands and feet of Jesus is truly a blessing to be a part of.

Next year, we’ll be going to New York again. We might try something new and walk the Brooklyn Bridge and maybe we’ll see some of Central Park that we missed this year. I know that we definitely will be packing our bags for the homeless people in the city again, and we’ll be praying that our little Christmas tradition blesses many and that in doing so, we are able to point others toward Jesus as we celebrate His birth.

Merry Christmas!

What Consumes Me

Time spent with my family is one of the things that I value most in my life. Date nights with my husband, family vacations, having everyone around to participate in holiday traditions, family dinners or simply having a conversation with any one of my kids are moments that I will treasure always.

Something else that I really enjoy is going places and doing things with my kids and our friends. Even though most of our trips are educational outings, they are an absolute blast! I love our field trips and spending time with this tribe of people. Walking through New York city, going to famous places like Niagara Falls and Colonial Williamsburg, seeing historic battlefields or simply hiking through the woods – these are all wonderful times spent with great friends! We also spend a lot of time together during the summer. We take trips to the beach, hang around the pool and serve together at the facility where our kids work and go to camp.

I also really like to watch my favorite television shows. I don’t like just one particular genre. I enjoy a wide variety when it comes to being entertained this way. Doctors and hospitals, super heroes, law enforcement, music competition and even a little sci-fi. Don’t worry – I’m still over here raising and schooling my kids. Actually, I watch most of the shows on my phone while doing other things. I never watch during school hours and its usually when I am cleaning or cooking dinner. Either that or I watch at night just before going to sleep. There are some really great shows out there!

Unfortunately, another one of my favorite things in life is food. I have a love/hate relationship with delicious food. I love to eat sweets – especially chocolate – but sweets do NOT love my body. Or, maybe they love it too much, because they tend to stick around a lot longer than I would like, and in all the wrong places. On the other hand, I also love a lot of really healthy foods. One of my favorite things to do is to come up with recipes incorporating my favorite vegetables. Whether its healthy food or junk food, I love good food!

Another thing that I would say I am passionate about is music. I love to sing. I always have. Music has been a huge part of my life for as long as I can remember. For a time, I had to take a break from being involved in any kind of singing group due to family responsibilities. I am so excited, because I just joined the worship team at my church, and I am now able to sing with this group often. Knowing that my kids all love music and have been blessed with musical talent makes me super happy too. There’s not much in this world that can give me chills faster than hearing my kids harmonizing together. Music is ever present in our house.

There is one other aspect of my life that I absolutely must talk about when it comes to things in my life that I love. My relationship with God would be first and foremost in the order of importance. My quiet time every morning, time spent in prayer, praising God through music, being taught truths from our pastor in church and being in fellowship with other believers all play a huge part in making me who I am today.

So out of all of these things, if I were to pick one that consumes me constantly and fills my thoughts more often than not, which one would it be? I wish that I could say without missing a beat that it was my relationship with God. That is truly the desire of my heart, that God would consume all of my thoughts, my actions, my words and all that I am. If I am being completely honest, though, I struggle with letting some of these other areas crowd Him out.

There are times when being a wife and mama to my crew feels like the most important thing that I could ever have in my life. I mean, what could be more important than having a life with the man I love while raising and schooling ten beautiful children? Or how about hanging out with my friends and making amazing memories with all of our kids while encouraging each other? Sometimes, I allow selfish desires to creep in, and I find myself lost in a bowl of delicious ice cream while binge watching my favorite shows.

I don’t believe for even a second that any of these things are more important than God. I could rationalize and tell you that all of these things are gifts from God and that I am simply enjoying His gifts to me, but that wouldn’t get to the heart of my problem. I believe that, like a lot of Christians, I tend to see my relationship with God in a distorted way. I see it as me trying to keep Him in the center of my life and allowing all other aspects of my life to revolve around Him. Since the Bible says that Christ in me is the hope of glory, that’s not a bad thing, but when I think of my relationship to him in this way, it could also look like me trying to keep God in a box. The box represents my life, and that, to me, seems like I’m trying to control the relationship between me and God. With myself in control, its way too easy to allow God to be bumped out of the center by all these other areas vying for my attention.

So how do we as Christians keep God as the main focus of our life? How do we keep all these other things that we love from creeping in and taking the place of the One who created us to worship Him? Do we need to give up all the things besides God that bring us pleasure in life? I don’t think so. A lot of these things are mentioned specifically in the Bible as gifts directly from God. “Children are a gift from the Lord…” Psalm 127:3. “Break forth and sing for joy and sing praises.” Psalm 98:4. “Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!” Psalm 133:1. “For He satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.” Psalm 107:9.

Perhaps a better way would be to change our perspective on the way that we view our relationship with God. Rather than seeing it only as God being “in our lives”, and us needing to keep Him at the center, maybe we should think more about ourselves as being “in Him” and allowing Him to permeate every single area of our lives. That way, it will be Him controlling all the other areas of our lives that try to consume our thoughts. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.” 2 Corinthians 5:17. “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works.” Ephesians 2:10. “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1. “For our sake He made Him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.” 2 Corinthians 5:21.”For in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God, through faith.” Galatians 3:26. “In Him we live and move and have our being…”Acts 17:28

To have my life be consumed by Christ is the greatest goal that I could ever attain. I just need to remember that while it is a precious gift to have Christ in me, it is an amazing thing to have my life hidden in Christ Jesus – to be completely consumed by Him.

“Whoever abides in Me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.” John 15:5

 

The Disappearing Holiday

On December 16th, in the year 1620, the Mayflower arrived in Plymouth Harbor. On board this tiny ship were a group of people that we know as the Pilgrims. Little did they know the hardships that they would face would cost some of them their very lives.

Lacking knowledge of this new land, and having weakened bodies after such a tiring journey from England, sickness became rampant among the Pilgrims. Suffering from pneumonia and scurvy, and not having enough food available, 2 or 3 people died each day that winter, bringing the original 102 members of their group down to a mere 52.

I’m sure that you are familiar with this story that can be found in almost every account of American history. As the story progresses, we know that God spared the Pilgrims’ lives by bringing them Squanto, an English speaking Native American who taught them the much needed skills to survive in New England. He showed them how to plant and harvest crops, make fishing nets and he introduced them to Massasoit, the chief of the Wampanoag tribe. This tribe quickly became allies and great friends to the people of the Plymouth Colony.

That next winter in Plymouth would be very different from the previous one. Instead of facing sickness and starvation, the colony now had plenty of food stored up that would last them through the spring, as well as having made new friends. In the fall of 1621, the colonists held a 3 day celebration in honor of a bountiful harvest. Chief Massasoit and 90 of his men came and joined their English friends for feasting and entertainment.

A legend that a lot of people don’t know is that before the Pilgrims began their feast, each person had 5 kernels of corn on their plate. This was to serve as a reminder of the hardships that they had faced during their first winter when often all they had to eat was 5 kernels of corn a piece each day. Remembering this promoted a spirit of thankfulness to God for bringing them through such difficulty to a time of extreme bounty. They now had a wealth of knowledge so that they could survive in the new land as well as freedom from the Church of England that they had so desperately wanted.

Even though this is traditionally known as the first Thanksgiving, we didn’t celebrate it as a national holiday until years later. Many presidents have called for a national day of thanks in the month of November. On October 3rd, 1789, George Washington made the following proclamation:

Whereas it is the duty of all Nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey his will, to be grateful for his benefits, and humbly to implore his protection and favor, and whereas both Houses of Congress have by their joint Committee requested me “to recommend to the People of the United States a day of public thanksgiving and prayer to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many signal favors of Almighty God especially by affording them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness.”

Now therefore I do recommend and assign Thursday the 26th day of November next to be devoted by the People of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being, who is the beneficent Author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be. That we may then all unite in rendering unto him our sincere and humble thanks, for his kind care and protection of the People of this Country previous to their becoming a Nation, for the signal and manifold mercies, and the favorable interpositions of his providence, which we experienced in the course and conclusion of the late war, for the great degree of tranquility, union, and plenty, which we have since enjoyed, for the peaceable and rational manner, in which we have been enabled to establish constitutions of government for our safety and happiness, and particularly the national One now lately instituted, for the civil and religious liberty with which we are blessed; and the means we have of acquiring and diffusing useful knowledge; and in general for all the great and various favors which he hath been pleased to confer upon us.

And also that we may then unite in most humbly offering our prayers and supplications to the great Lord and Ruler of Nations and beseech him to pardon our national and other transgressions, to enable us all, whether in public or private stations, to perform our several and relative duties properly and punctually, to render our national government a blessing to all the people, by constantly being a Government of wise, just, and constitutional laws, discreetly and faithfully executed and obeyed, to protect and guide all Sovereigns and Nations (especially such as have shown kindness unto us) and to bless them with good government, peace, and concord. To promote the knowledge and practice of true religion and virtue, and the increase of science among them and Us, and generally to grant unto all Mankind such a degree of temporal prosperity as he alone knows to be best.

Given under my hand at the City of New York the third day of October in the year of our Lord 1789.

In the middle of the Civil War, Abraham Lincoln proclaimed a national day of “thanksgiving and praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the heavens”, to be celebrated on the final Thursday in November. This was observed faithfully until 1941, when President Roosevelt signed a bill making the date of Thanksgiving a matter of federal law and setting the day officially as the fourth Thursday of November.

I remember back in my early years of school, the Thanksgiving holiday was a BIG deal. When November would roll around we came home with Pilgrim hats, Indian head bands (back in my day, we stilled called them Indians – I know it’s not politically correct) and turkeys made from tracing our hands. Everywhere you went you would see some sort of Thanksgiving decoration as people anticipated the upcoming holiday. Talk of families gathering and the feasting that would take place built up lots of excitement!

So, what happened to Thanksgiving? What happened to make Americans go straight from Halloween right into Christmas with barely a pause to celebrate this uniquely American holiday? No other country in the world celebrates Thanksgiving, so why have we as a nation stopped?

I believe that one of the biggest reasons is that America has turned from God. In the proclamation that Washington gave, it is evident that God was recognized as Almighty Providence and that our president wished to give Him the honor and thanks that He deserved. Washington focused on God and our relationship to Him. In fact, of the 432 words that made up his speech, he referred to God 15 times. This obvious focus on divine authority links the liberty, happiness and wisdom of our nation inherently to the grace of God.

We can see how far we have drifted from this ideal when we compare this speech to more recent presidents. In the proclamation of 2000, Bill Clinton said, “Every generation of Americans has benefited from the generosity, talents, efforts, and contributions of their fellow citizens. All of us have been enriched by the diverse cultures,
traditions, and beliefs of the millions of people who, by birth or choice, have come to call America
their home. All of us are beneficiaries of our founders’ wisdom and of the service and sacrifice of
our men and women in uniform. While Americans are an independent people, we are
interdependent as well, and our greatest achievements are those we have accomplished together.
As we celebrate Thanksgiving, let us remember with gratitude that despite our differences in
background, age, politics, or race, each of us is a member of our larger American family and that,
working together, there is nothing we cannot accomplish in this promising new century.”  In 2015, Barrack Obama said in his Thanksgiving proclamation, “I encourage the people of the United States to join together — whether in our homes, places of worship, community centers, or any place of fellowship for friends and neighbors — and give thanks for all we have received in the past year, express appreciation to those whose lives enrich our own, and share our bounty with others.”  Both speeches indicate that we as a nation have ourselves to thank and that we have and will accomplish much by depending on the human race, not on the Creator of it.

Another reason I believe that Thanksgiving is barely observed is the tremendous amount of greed that the Christmas season promotes. The successors following Lincoln as president followed his tradition of declaring the last Thursday in November to be a day of thanksgiving. In 1939, President Franklin Roosevelt decided to break this tradition. That year, the month of November had five Thursdays instead of the more common four. Roosevelt declared Thanksgiving to be on the 4th Thursday instead of the last Thursday. He said that he hoped that giving merchants extra time to sell their goods before Christmas would help to increase profits and spending, and therefore would help to bring the country out of the Great Depression. While this may have genuinely been an idea that he thought would financially help our country, it also served as a springboard to launch us into to the holiday buying frenzy that begins as soon as November 1st arrives.

Black Friday has now crept its way into our American tradition of celebrating, and stores have begun to open up for pre-black Friday sales on Thanksgiving Day, causing many employees to miss out on time spent with family and friends, all for the sake of making more money. News of customers fighting over a coveted sale item, people camping out all night in front of stores, traffic being backed up for miles, crowded parking lots and over crowded check-out lines are just glimpses of the effect that greed has had on our country. Everyone is rushing around to buy all the things on their loved ones’ Christmas wish lists, forgetting that the real reason for the holiday is because of the greatest Gift ever given, and that it is HIS birthday we are supposed to be celebrating.

Thanksgiving is traditionally known as a time for families to spend time with each other. Something that my 16 year old pointed out to me is the vast amount of broken families across our nation probably causes many people to shy away from this holiday. It serves as a reminder of what they’ve lost and the pain that they have endured due to divorce, estrangement or the death of a loved one.

Perhaps some people haven’t experienced any of these tragic events. Maybe they simply just don’t like to spend time with family because they weren’t close growing up. This is, in my opinion, a tragedy in and of itself. Family game nights have been replaced by binge watching TV, playing video games and spending hours upon hours on social media. God often has no place in the American home and instead people worship other things such as money, material possession or even celebrities. Children have no respect for their parents or other authority because their parents haven’t required respect from them. The mentality parents have of “give them what they want so we don’t have to entertain them” has led to a spirit of entitlement instead of a spirit of gratitude for things that should have been earned, not just given because they wanted them. Generation X has no desire to spend time with family, because there are very few, if any, good memories of time spent together while they were growing up.

As a child, in my house on Thanksgiving, at each person’s place at the table, there were 5 kernels of corn. After we enjoyed our feast together, we would pass a basket around the table. Each time the basket passed, we put a kernel of corn in and would tell everyone something that we were thankful for. The basket went around the table 5 times until everyone had put in all of their kernels. This is a wonderful tradition that has been passed down from my parents that we still look forward to every year. We also look forward to time spent simply being together as a family and enjoying each other’s company.

So, is there hope for saving this holiday that points us back to the Divine Providence that our forefathers so highly revered? I sincerely hope so. Somehow, people need to be reminded that without God’s blessing, our nation will continue down the path that we are currently on which surely will end in our demise. If we are to be the great nation that so many proclaim us to be, we MUST take the time to thank God for our many blessings and to plead for His mercy and grace.

2 Chronicles 7:14 says, “If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.” America needs so much healing right now  ̶  healing from racial prejudice, hatred, immorality and greed. We need healing in our businesses, our schools our government and even in our churches. We need healing in our homes and in our marriages. More than all of these things, we need healing in our hearts.

America, wake up! Thanksgiving is not simply a break from work and a time to eat copious amounts of food in between the hustle and bustle of the madness of the Christmas season. It’s not even about the Pilgrims, the Mayflower or even the turkeys. This is the day that we set aside to reflect on the goodness of God toward us and take time to give Him the thanks that He deserves. If we as a nation don’t realize this, before long, the holiday that we know as Thanksgiving may disappear completely.

What Field Trips Look Like In Our Home School

In our school, field trips are as much a part of our curriculum as Math, History, Science and Writing! During my yearly planning session, I incorporate as many field trips as possible. My favorite trips are those that take us to famous historical places, but we manage to make our way to places that cover Science and Bible as well.

I’ve had a number of people ask me why we take so many trips. The easy answer would be that field trips are a lot of fun, but there is more to it than that! Field trips are a way to give what we’ve been learning about new meaning. It makes what is written in a book take on an entirely different perspective as we see those words take shape and come to life.

I was home schooled, and my mom was a firm believer in field trips. I learned so much from the places that we visited, that I couldn’t imagine schooling my own kids any other way. Not only do we learn first hand on these trips, but we make many, many memories together as well.

If you are not familiar with our many field trips, let me tell you what our school year looked like 2 years ago when all of my kids were studying United States History in their respective grades. Some might see it as mass chaos, but I see it as hands-on learning at its finest.

As I was planning our year and was going through the historical time line of our country, I realized that there was a lot that took place in and around Maryland that corresponded with what we would be studying. Seeing the potential to enhance our learning, I began to compile a list of places that we could visit during our school year. I lined them up according to the time line, and planned to visit each one through out the school year. A few trips were stuck in that didn’t apply to our studies in History. Some of them science related, some of them simply points of interest that we wanted to see.

Here’s what we ended up with:

  • A 2 day trip to Jamestown since it was the first English settlement in the new World and a great launching pad for our History studies.
  • Fort Frederick – a stone fort active during the French and Indian War
  • Washington Monument State Park – the first monument erected to the “Father of our Country”.
  • Philadelphia – Independence Hall, Congress Hall, Liberty Bell and much more!
  • Valley Forge/Peter Wentz Farmhouse – General Washington stayed at both places during the War for  Independence
  • Fort McHenry – Site of the Battle of Baltimore during the War of 1812
  • New York City – this is an annual Christmas trip we take with friends. I’ll have an entire blog post about that up soon!
  • Antietam, Harper’s Ferry and Gettysburg – 3 different trips, all significant during the Civil War
  • Blackwater Wildlife Refuge
  • Baltimore Aquarium
  • Lancaster Candle Barn, Miniature Horse Farm and the Herr’s Chip Factory
  • Dairy Farm – we all got the chance to milk a cow both by hand and with modern machinery!
  • Washington D.C. – many monuments, National Art Museum, US Botanic Gardens and Conservatory
  • Museum of Natural History
  • Assateague Island and the Ocean City MD Boardwalk for our year end celebration!

18 weeks out of our school year included a field trip. We had a blast at every single place, and we all walked away having learned something new that wasn’t in the books. What a fantastic year that was!

Another question that I get often, is, “How in the world do you manage to take all these field trips, especially with the amount of kids you have? I could never do that in my school.” Actually, anyone can do what we do, and it doesn’t take a vast amount of planning, organizing or money to do so. It just takes the desire to travel and the ability to use a search engine on the internet.

First of all, plan on packing lunch for all of your trips. Stopping for lunch at a restaurant, even fast food, takes time and money out of your day. We try to only be gone for lunch, but occasionally, we have to plan on having dinner out. If it’s a trip that keep you out past dinner, the dollar value menu at McDonald’s, pizza deals at various places or simply packing dinner can save you a lot money on these trips.

Another tip for planning field trips would be to look for national and state parks. Most of them are free of charge or only have a small fee for parking. They also have an amazing junior ranger program at most of these parks. You can get a ranger booklet from the visitor’s center and inside there are activities like scavenger hunts, questionnaires, bingo games, sketching activities, word finds and more. Some of the parks even have different books for different ages. When a book is completed, take it to a park ranger and they will give your child a badge and certificate for that specific park. It’s fun to see how many badges your kids can collect!

Make your field trips a part of your Physical Education class. Almost every trip we take, we incorporate a hike into it. It might be walking a mile or two on a trail at one of the parks we visit or it might be walking around all day in Washington D.C or NYC and covering 9 or 10 miles during the course of our visit. Either way, we got lots of exercise and plenty of fresh air!

Another way to save some money is by looking into home school deals that different places offer. For example, when we went to Jamestown, we found out that they offer a lower rate for families that can offer proof of home schooling. Students can visit the Jamestown Settlement for just $7 and adults for $9. That’s a great saving, especially for the adult tickets which normally cost $17 apiece! It’s always worth asking if they have a home school rate. You never know unless you ask!

One of my best tips to share about field trips is to invite your friends! While you can still learn plenty by just going with your own bunch of kids, it is so much more fun for everyone if you bring along another family or two or three! Not only do your kids have other friends besides their siblings to interact with, the moms have a great time with their friends as well! Besides, it helps to squash that nasty rumor that home schooled children don’t have a social life.

For the past few years, we have started off our year with a BIG field trip and then ended our year with a trip to the beach to celebrate another great year of schooling! As I mentioned, we took a 2 day trip to Jamestown, but we’ve also gone up to Plymouth Massachusetts to visit Plymouth Plantation, Mayflower 2 and the Forefather’s Monument, and a 2 day trip just for Colonial Williamsburg. Our all time favorite start to our school year though, is probably our whirlwind trip to Niagara Falls in New York. We left early on a Monday and got back late on the following Wednesday night. Three days of amazing site-seeing with 2 other families. Not only did we see the falls, but we visited Fort Niagara and the Niagara Power Vista up there as well. Best field trip ever!

There are endless possibilities out there for field tripping with your kiddos! Be adventurous! Don’t let the table of contents in your school books dictate your school schedule. My kids can tell you way more about what they’ve learned from these trips than from the written accounts in their school books. Just to be clear, I’m not knocking the books, I just think that sometimes you need to put them away and get out and experience what you’ve been learning first hand. You won’t regret it.

Pursue your Man: Dating While You are Married With Children

I think that a common mistake or assumption that is made in marriage, is that once you start having kids, the honeymoon is over and your role as wife takes back seat to your role of mom. In my opinion, that couldn’t be farther from the truth! If nothing else, I believe that the stronger the relationship between husband and wife while there are kids in the home, the more stable your home will be and the more likely your marriage will last a lifetime. Our kids need to know that they do not have first place in our lives, or even second, for that matter. Our relationship with Jesus should take precedence over everything in our life, and second only to that relationship is the one that we share with our spouse.

25 years ago, after almost 5 years of dating, I married my best friend. 11 months later, we had our first baby. Our beautiful little girl went on our first anniversary date with us since we didn’t live near family at the time and had no desire to leave our precious treasure with anyone else. Fast forward to our tenth anniversary. We had 6 kids and we were expecting number 7 in just a few months. We loved every minute of parenting our small crowd, but, as you can imagine, we didn’t have tons of time for just the two of us. Now we have 10 wonderful children ranging from ages 6-24, and after all of these years of parenting, my husband and I have never been closer.

Unlike a lot of married couples today, we don’t leave our kids over night very often. Going away for the weekend and kid-free vacations have never been our style, but that doesn’t mean that we traded our happily ever after together as husband and wife for our houseful of kids. Not even close!

In our early years of marriage, getting our kids to bed at a consistent time every night meant time alone in the evenings. Dinner and a movie on the couch together made for a perfect date night with my love! As the kids got a little older, we moved back near our families and were able to leave the house for our dates while the kids got time with their grandparents. Once a year, on our anniversary, we would go away for a night or two so that we could celebrate together without the distraction of kids. (Inevitably, we would end up talking about the kids most of the time.) Over the last handful of years, our kids have been old enough to take care of each other, and with “built-in babysitters”, getting out of the house with my hubby is a lot easier than in the past. Whether the dates were in-home, few and far between, spur of the moment or carefully planned out, they all had one thing in common: they were time spent with the man that I fell in love with 30 years ago!

If you find yourself in the role of mom first and wife second, its not too late. Start being purposeful in pursuing your husband!

  • Plan weekly dates. If you can’t go out every week, have an in-home date. Put the kids to bed, pop some popcorn and watch a movie together, or put a movie on for the kids, and have a late dinner with just your spouse. If your kids are older and early bedtime is an issue, put a “do not disturb” sign on your bedroom door and disappear for the night.
  • Be affectionate in front of your kids. Its okay if they walk in and catch you making out in the middle of the kitchen. After all, that should be a part of a healthy marriage relationship, and your kids need to see that you are madly in love with each other. Also, its super fun to watch your kids get embarrassed!
  • Have each other’s back. Don’t ever put your husband in a negative light — especially in front of the kids. Don’t do it. Ever. Your kids need to see that you two are on the same team. They need to see you as a united front, working together to raise godly kids, not two people pitting one against the other trying to win the favoritism of your kids.You’re their parents. Being their “buddy” can come later, after you’re done raising them. Let them see you supporting each other’s decisions. If you have a problem with the way your spouse is dealing with the kids, discuss it in private, NOT in front of the kids, and especially not in the middle of meting out discipline.
  • Let your spouse know that you are still interested in being pursued. Flirt with him. Leave him love notes. Hold his hand. Be proactive in planning your dates. Make him his favorite food and have a candlelight dinner. Wear that outfit that you know he thinks is sexy. Celebrate your marriage often.

I’ll be honest with you. I have not always been good at letting my husband know just how special he is to me. When we had six children all under the age of 10, I struggled with keeping my roles as wife and mother in the right order. Later in our marriage, I had a hard time being affectionate after we experienced 3 miscarriages in a row. It was during these times that our marriage weakened. We had a harder time relating to each other, and it felt like there was tension between us. Once I began putting my husband first again and treating him like he was the most important person in my life, our marriage became stronger than ever.

Something else that makes our marriage strong is communicating with each other. Since my husband is truly the love of my life and my best friend, we talk about all the aspects of our lives together. Anything that affects my life, positive or negative, big or small, affects his life as well, and vice versa. He tells me all about his day when he gets home from work and then he wants to hear about how my day went as well. We want to know when the other is hurting or struggling in any way and we want to share in each other’s happiness. When we took the vow to love and cherish each other for better or for worse, ’til death us do part, we didn’t take those words lightly.

Kids come after we fall in love, and one day they will all leave and move on and maybe have families of their own. When that happens, it will be back to just the two of you again. Will you be like newlyweds who have been dating for years, or will you find that you don’t really even know the man you married? Don’t end up as strangers with your soul-mate. Keep the fires of love and passion burning strong, and pursue the man you fell in love with.

To celebrate our 25th anniversary,our amazing kids sent us on a cruise for an entire week. As I said, we’ve never left our kids for very long, so a week away from them looked like a really long time. Once we got on that ship, however, we enjoyed every precious minute together and made memories that will last a life time.

My husband is my soul-mate, my confidante, my protector and my best friend. I can’t imagine doing life with anyone else, and I plan on letting him know that every single day for the rest of our lives.

                                                       

Multi-tasking: The Mom Super Power

If you’ve been a mom for years or if you’ve only been a mom for a few weeks, you know that we are multi-tasking masters! From the time that we wake up to the time our eyes finally close at the end of the day, our lives are filled with doing many things at the same time! If you are a new mom, you might be just learning how to do many things at once, but if you have reached the point where your kids are double digits and older, then you most likely have black belt level multi-tasking skills that those observing should be in awe of.
Let me give those of you who aren’t sure what I am talking about a glimpse into  possible real life scenarios that we moms face every single day. It might go something like this:

SCENE 1

It’s 7:45 in the morning, and we have planned to take a field trip to Washington DC with some of our friends who we are supposed to meet at 8:30 at the nearby park-and-ride. I had all the kids pack their lunches the night before and I woke them up at 7:00 so that we would not be late. My two youngest are sitting at the table slowly eating their breakfast, two kids are wandering around the kitchen trying to figure out what they are supposed to eat for their breakfast and one more kid is still up in their room and I have no idea if they are actually awake yet.

Mom: (to the 2 kids eating) We have to leave in 15 minutes. Hurry up and finish your food. (Turns to the 2 wandering around the kitchen while she is gathering all the packed lunches) What are you doing? We have to leave soon. Did you eat anything yet?

Wandering kid 1: I don’t know what to eat. There’s nothing I like.

Wandering kid 2: I don’t want to eat anything. I always feel sick in the car if I eat before driving that far.

Mom: (to the 2 kids eating) Finish those last bites and then put your dishes in the dishwasher. After that go find your shoes and put them on. (To wandering kid 1) I JUST went shopping. What do you mean there’s nothing you like? What is it that you are looking for? We have cereal, fruit, bagels, waffles, toast, eggs, sausage… you don’t like ANY of those things? Make me a list of things you will eat for breakfast and next time I shop I’ll try and get some of those things. For now, just pick something because we are leaving in ten minutes. (To wandering kid 2) Okay, well, grab something that you can take in the car in case you get hungry later. Oh, and grab a bucket in case you get car sick.

Kid 1 eating: I can’t finish my waffle. I’m full.

Kid 2 eating: I’m done!

Mom: (to kids eating) You literally have ONE bite left. Put it in your mouth and take care of your dishes and get your shoes on. If you are done, your dishes should be put away and you should be getting your shoes on. (Helps kids not so gently out of their seats and guides them toward the kitchen with their dishes in hand while hollering up the steps to possible sleeping kid:) “We are leaving in 5 minutes! Hurry up!”

Wandering kid 1: Fine. I’ll just have some toast. Can you braid my hair?

Mom: Okay, sure. (While putting all the breakfast things away says to kids now finished eating) You HAVE to find your shoes right now and put them on. (To wanderer 2:) “If you’re not going to eat anything, then PLEASE help your brothers find their shoes. We are going to be late.”

Kid 1 looking for shoes: I can only find one of my flip flops! It’s not with the other one!

Mom: (While braiding kid’s hair) It got pushed down the steps into the TV room. Look down there. Hey, someone feed the fish!

Possible sleeping kid: (walks slowly down the steps into the kitchen) Do I have time for a shower? I didn’t hear you wake us up.

Mom: (trying to keep her cool while finishing braiding hair) Nope! We are getting ready to load up in 2 minutes. You need to get your stuff together and we HAVE to leave. (Turns to Kid 2 who is supposed to be putting shoes on) Why are you playing with Legos????? Why are your shoes not on? Put your shoes on now, and get into the car. Did anyone feed the dog? (Checks dog dish, sees that it’s empty and fills it with food) Did everyone go to the bathroom? I am not stopping for potty breaks on the way down to DC. Everyone make sure you go before you get in the car. (To kid 1 who FINALLY found their shoe:) “Your face has syrup all over it. Make sure you wash it when you wash your hands after going to the bathroom.” (To wandering kid 1:) “Your toast is finished. Put it in a sandwich bag and take it in the car. (Walks outside and checks temperature) It’s a little chilly. Everyone grab a jacket or hoodie to take with you in the car. Did everyone grab their lunches by the front door? Someone take the cooler of drinks out to the van. (Checks to make sure everyone is out of the house, locks the door and gets in the van) Great! We are supposed to meet our friends in 10 minutes and the place is 20 minutes away! Well, crud.”

SCENE 2

Our house in the morning during a school day:  We’ve finished breakfast and Bible time together and everyone has begun their different subjects. Mom is sitting at the table with the youngest doing math, working on school schedules and paying bills.

Mom: If you have 4 candies and I give you one more, how many do you have?

Kid doing Algebra downstairs on the computer: Mom!!!! I need help!

Mom: (to kid downstairs) Okay! Just a minute! (Turns to kid at table) How many candies to you have? What’s one more than 4?

Kid upstairs: Mom! How many pages am I supposed to read in History?

Mom: (checks History assignments while finishing up with the bills) Pages 12-23. Do the questions at the end! (To kid at table) Do you know how many 1 more is than 4, sweetie? Oh, you wrote the 5 already? Good job! Now, color this elephant in while I go downstairs and see what your sister needs. (Walks through kitchen and sees her teacup filled with cold tea sitting on the counter, so she sticks it in the microwave to warm up while she is helping kid downstairs)

Kid upstairs: What were those pages again?

Mom: (hollering from downstairs) 12-23 and do the questions after!! (Turns to kid at computer:) “What’s the problem?”

Algebra kid: I don’t understand this. How is this answer wrong? I did it just the way they said to in the lecture.

Mom: Ummmm, let me look at the book. Hang on.

Kid doing math up at the table: Mom! I’m done the elephant! Am I done math?

Mom: No! Color the tiger next. Stay in the lines!

Kid upstairs: Do I have to write all the questions? Can I just tell you the answers?

Mom: Yes. Write them all out. You’re in high school. Do the work.Can you please stop hollering down here? I’m trying to help with Algebra! (Turns to Algebra kid:) “Let me show you on paper how to do this.” (Shows kid how and then goes back up to the kitchen and starts to put food in the crock pot for dinner)

Kid at table: I’m done the tiger!

Mom: (puts top on crock pot and goes to finish math at the table) Sorry buddy! Let’s finish these last 5 problems.

Algebra kid: Mom! I need help again!

Mom: (to Algebra kid) Do all the problems you know how and then I’ll come help with the rest. I need to finish with your brother. (Hears microwave beeping and realizes she forgot her tea AGAIN so she gets up and grabs her tea and brings it to the table) Okay. How many bears are on this page? Can you find them all?

Kid on break wanders in: Mom! Look at this cool ship I builted out of Legos!

Mom: Not builted. Built. There’s no “ED” after it. That’s really cool, dude, but I need you to go back and play for 5 more minutes so that I can finish with your brother here. Oh, shoot! I forgot to finish with the crock pot. Did you finish counting the bears? I’ll be right back. I need to finish getting dinner ready. Write how many bears.

Algebra kid: I’m done!

Kid upstairs: Can I have the computer then?

Mom: Not yet! I have to help her with Algebra still, and I’m not finished with your brother’s math yet! (Finishes putting dinner in the crock pot and turns it on before sitting back down at the table.) I’m almost done up here! Just give me a second. (Takes a sip of her COLD tea) *Sigh*

Sound familiar to anyone? I could write lots and lots of different scenarios, all in which the mom is busy doing multiple things at the same time and with all different people. I believe that this is a special ability that God gives us when we are blessed with children because, let’s be real for a moment here: how else would our houses run properly? Who else could manage all of these things at one time? We’ve got our kids to look after and help with school (be it home school or just home work), we have a house to maintain and keep clean, we have to do all the shopping, the cooking, the driving kids back and forth to all their different sports, youth groups etc, not to mention our wonderful husbands who come home after a busy day and also need our love and attention. There is absolutely NO WAY we could get everything done without the ability of multi-tasking. I’m sure of it.

Some people look on and say, “I don’t know how you do it all. You must be exhausted all the time.” Not so much. I mean, yeah, I get tired just like everyone else, and sometimes my days can be exhausting, but do I feel tired ALL THE TIME? No. I don’t. As a mom of many kids, I think that I thrive on doing all the things all the time. It’s who God made me to be. I honestly think that if I just had one thing to do at a time all the time, I would get bored and I wouldn’t be nearly as productive as I am now. Maybe it’s pride speaking, but I love being able to multi-task as much as I do. Hey, it’s my mom super power!

One thing I will admit, though. Sometimes it gets overwhelming. There are times when I feel like I’ve stretched myself farther than I should. I’ve committed to too much or just simply taken on too many tasks all at once. At this point, I feel like I’ve worn myself down so that I am running on fumes. Some of you might be nodding now in agreement because you’ve been here. You’ve reached the point where you feel like you have nothing left to give. It’s like you’re empty.

I have always thought that if I started out my day spending time in the Word and talking to God, then He would fill me up with enough grace to overflow onto the rest of my family. I think that I need to change my perspective. Don’t get me wrong, here. I still believe that starting my day with my quiet time is absolutely and positively the best way for me to begin my day. Spending time with my Father before I jump into my multi-tasking whirl wind is the only way to keep my sanity! What I am talking about is changing the way I see myself. I’ve always imagined myself like a pot that needs to be filled in order to be poured out for others. I believe that I need to view myself instead, as an open-ended conduit of God’s grace, compassion, kindness, love and power. He is constantly giving and if I stay connected to His unending grace and power, I will be able to maintain my ability to give endlessly of myself to those who depend on me day after day. My body may get tired, but my spirit will stay renewed and ready to give.

Maybe it’s time to take a step back and evaluate where you are in your relationship with God. How do you view yourself? Are you more of a pot that comes back to be refilled now and then, or are you staying connected so that you can allow His grace and power to flow through you all the time? I want to stay connected to Him so that when my family needs me, they can see the power of God flowing through me and flowing out to meet their many needs all at the same time.

drinking fountain

 

 

 

Personal Retreats: Stepping Away To Gain a Fresh Perspective

Last weekend, I did something that I think is super important for everyone to do at least once in their life. I went away all by myself. I left my family and all the “mom things” behind that I usually do for 36 hours of much needed alone time. I needed to gain a fresh perspective on my life.

This is a luxury that I don’t often indulge in. I love my family and I love being with my family. That urge to “get away from it all” is not something that I am very familiar with, but when that urge comes, it’s usually because I am drained; physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. That’s where I found myself a few weeks ago, and I knew it was time to step away.

If you are a parent, you know that our job can be super taxing on multiple levels. We give and give and give of ourselves, and then when we are pretty sure we don’t have anything left, we somehow are able to give some more. Food in the cupboards, meals on the table three (or more) times a day, clean clothes on all the bodies, taxi service 24/7, teacher, counselor, mentor, referee, judge, organizer of schedules, wiper of tears, snot and all other bodily fluids…and this is just the physical needs that we meet everyday. How about all the praying, the agonizing about the different stages our kids are in or the fear of failing our family that tends to creep up on us so often?

Our school year is quickly approaching, and I realized that if I was going to start this year off well, I first had to tend to my own needs. There is no way that I would be able to meet everyone else’s needs for the duration of another school year if I was trying to draw water from a well that was painfully dry. What I needed was a personal retreat.

If you’ve never taken a personal retreat then you are most likely due for one. Family vacations don’t count. A romantic get-away with your spouse doesn’t count either. Both of these are absolutely wonderful and I definitely encourage them, but neither of them will provide you with the same results that a personal retreat can. Let me share with you what my retreat looked like.

CHOOSE YOUR LOCATION

First, I needed to choose a place that I could get to with not too much travel time. If you are consumed with the hassle of getting to your destination, then you are going to end up arriving there super frazzled, and it will take you time to settle down from your trip. This is not a great way to start a retreat.

I chose to go about 2 hours away, to the eastern shore of Maryland. I have family there, and I was blessed to be able to use this wonderful little boathouse situated on the beautiful Choptank River. My uncle built this house for his in-laws to be used specifically for retreats. It’s not very big, but it was perfect for my needs.

CHOOSE HOW LONG YOU WILL STAY AND PREPARE ACCORDINGLY

One or two nights is usually a good amount of time for a retreat like this. I chose to leave early on Saturday morning and come home Sunday evening. This gave me almost 2 full days of refreshing my body as well as my soul. I packed enough food to last this entire time so that I wouldn’t need to drive anywhere. I chose simple meals that didn’t need much preparing. Things like chips and salsa, microwave dinners and already prepared salads. If you end up in a hotel like I did for my first retreat, restaurants can be relaxing during this time as well. Take the opportunity to let someone wait on you for a change!

MAKE A LIST OF ALL THE THINGS YOU WANT TO BRING

My list was relatively short. I took a notebook and pen, several different books, my clothes, toiletries, food and lots of water. I also brought my bathing suit and towel so that I could go kayaking on the river!

BE PREPARED TO STAY OFF OF SOCIAL MEDIA

One great way to eat up all of your time on a retreat, is to get sucked into spending time on Facebook, Instagram or any other social media. Remember, you are here to get away from it all and be by yourself! You can do without those things for two days, I promise. I did pack my phone and charger. I had to be realistic and not make myself COMPLETELY unreachable. I also use my phone for pictures, and the river is such a great place to capture God’s creation!

          

 

            

CLEAR YOUR MIND BY SPENDING TIME PRAISING GOD

Once I was settled in and got all of my things put away, I grabbed my notebook and wrote down as many attributes and characteristics of God that I could think of, and while writing them, I praised Him for those things. This helped me to get the focus off of all of my problems and anything that was going on back home, and onto the One who is in control of all of the things that had been consuming my mind. There is no better way to start off this time than by glorifying the One who invites me to lay all of my cares at His feet and who says, “Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

GET RID OF ANYTHING STANDING IN YOUR WAY OF COMMUNICATING WITH GOD

After spending time praising God, I spent the next bit of time confessing any sin in my life that I was aware of. My list included things like losing patience with the kids, spending too much time on my phone and not showing my husband often enough how much I love and appreciate him as my spouse and the father of our kids. I wanted to make sure that I was right before God before I began to pour out my requests to Him.

POUR OUT YOUR HEART

At this point, I was ready to begin talking to God about all of things that were weighing on my heart and mind. I grabbed a kayak and headed out onto the river to pray. I spent several hours drifting around the river while I prayed in depth for every single person in my family. I prayed for specific needs as well as for wisdom to know how to be a better wife and mom and to know how to best serve in these roles. I prayed for direction. I prayed for grace. I prayed for my friends. I prayed until I had nothing left to pray about.

REST YOUR BODY

After hours of paddling around, I was tired and I was hungry! I had a tasty little lunch and then a much needed nap. It’s not easy for me to justify taking a nap back at home (although I do take naps occasionally) but one of the reasons I take these retreats is to catch up on my physical rest, so I took advantage of the fact that nobody needed me for the next two days,and I slept when needed. I think I took 2 naps the first day, went to bed around 8:30 and then napped the next day as well. It was truly wonderful!

START A BOOK THAT YOU’VE BEEN WANTING TO READ

I love a good book.I used to read all the time. If you would ask me what I was reading, sometimes I would tell you about several books that I was reading at the same time. Not so much these days. I still love to read, I just don’t take the time to do it as often as I would like. When I get into a good book, I tend to tune out of everything else going on. Yeah. Not really a good thing when you are trying to run a house, school your kids or serve your husband. So, I don’t read as much as I would like. That is why I love to get into a new book or two when I go away. I brought a few devotional books that I wanted to check out as well as a good old Christian romance novel. I read the entire novel and I decided on my next book to use to supplement my quiet time. Yay for reading time!

ENJOY THE QUIET

This is one of my favorite parts of a personal retreat. I think that one of the most important spiritual disciplines as well as one of the most difficult to practice, is the discipline of silence and solitude. Praying comes pretty easily, especially when you are at home with all of your little “blessings” running around. Rapid fire prayers are sent toward heaven all day long. Prayers like, “God, give me patience”, “God give me grace”, “God, give me wisdom” or the most common prayer for a mom is simply, “God, HELP!” I often fall asleep praying at night and I take time to pray in the early hours of the morning after saying goodbye to my husband as he goes off to work. What I don’t often get, is enough time alone to experience real silence so that I can hear God talking back to me and answering those prayers. When you have a relationship with someone, the best way to communicate is through conversation. It’s really hard to learn anything about the other person if you are always the one doing all of the talking. That is why I loved the quiet that I got while I was at the river. I could finally stop and listen long enough to hear what Jesus wanted to say to me. Sometimes He answered requests that were made and other times He showed me areas of my life that need improvement. Most of all, He simply assured me of His great love for me.

Watching sunrises and sunsets is one my favorite things to do, so when I saw the pink sky through the window of the boathouse, I got out of bed and grabbed my phone, my jacket and a warm blanket and headed outside to take in the beauty and to enjoy the quiet of the early morning.

                  

The rest of my Sunday was spent doing more reading, praying, listening to some worship songs and sitting on the deck of the house simply basking in the beauty of God’s creation. I had lunch, tidied up, took a nap in the sun and then loaded up my things and headed home feeling like a different person than when I arrived just the day before.

Your own personal retreat probably won’t look anything like mine. Every person has different needs that have to be filled in different ways than anyone else. Getting out into nature might not be your thing. Maybe you’re more of a soak in a hot tub full of bubbles kind of person, or maybe you need to go sit on a beach somewhere listening to the waves crash and the gulls cry. Whatever helps you to relax and unwind and ultimately be refreshed in body, mind and soul, is something that you should take the time to indulge in every once in awhile. Your kids might not understand why you want to leave and go somewhere alone, but ultimately, your family will thank you when they see the difference that it can make when you come back to them refreshed, invigorated and ready to face life again.

 

 

 

When Your Kids Reach Adolescence : I Kissed Sainthood Goodbye

Someone said to my husband the other day that after ten kids, we must have this whole parenting thing figured out. HA! Shoot. Not even close. This isn’t the first time someone has assumed that because we have a lot of kids, we must really know what we are doing. I get comments all the time from people who don’t know a thing about me, but from what they can see, they think my husband and I have it all together when it comes to raising kids. Comments such as, “You have ten kids? Oh, you must be a saint!” Honey, you haven’t seen me after I discovered that my seven year old made a “special mix” in the bathroom using all the soap and BRIGHT RED hair dye. Oh, and how about that time my husband and daughter brought home a puppy to surprise me? Not pretty. Yeah, I kissed sainthood goodbye when my first kid reached two.

When we had 8 kids that were all under the age of eleven, we felt like we did have parenting down to a fine art. We could change a diaper in the dark, get a kid dressed while they were squirming around like some wild demon possessed animal, we had potty training down to a science, all the kids were in bed asleep by 9:00, and home schooling at that time came pretty easy since everyone was in 6th grade or under. By the time I had kid number eight, I could nurse a baby and cook dinner at the same time, I would take all eight to the grocery store and not forget any items on my list, and I could pull off family vacation without a hitch. I would brag and say that we made it to church on time every Sunday with everyone clothed, fed, and in their right mind, but that actually never happened.

Enter the adolescent years. There is absolutely NOTHING that can prepare you for these years. Books on parenting, online tutorials, documentaries and even talking with other parents who have already raised kids going through puberty can only give you a glimpse of the nightmare you are about to face. Every single child handles this stage of their life in a different way, and each unique individual, God love ’em, will drive you up the wall, over the edge, to the brink of insanity and possibly to an early grave.

The first thing that you might notice in your pubescent teenager is a change in their emotions. We’ve hosted a very wide range of teenage emotions in our house over the years. Most of them were related to hormones in one way or another. Crying for absolutely no reason, angry outbursts, extreme sullenness or extreme exuberance, irritability, stubbornness, being absent minded and being extremely annoying. These are just the first ones that came to mind, but the list could go on and on.

The emotions are just the tip off the ice burg when it comes to young teenagers who are whacked out because of hormones! Something happens to their decision making abilities. It’s like they go offline or something. In our house we refer to this as the “duh factor”. You know when you ask your teen a normal question, like, “Did you take the trash to the curb this morning?”, and they look at you with a blank stare as if you were speaking to them in some unknown language? Yeah.The “duh factor”.

As these young teenagers began to get older, we had to start thinking about relating to the opposite sex. Oh. My. Goodness. Some of them were super interested and some of them wanted absolutely nothing to do with any of it. Others just accepted the fact that there was such a thing as girl/guy attraction and that one day it would probably affect them in some way or another. No two kids felt the same way about this subject, and so with each new teenager we had to approach it in a different way than we had before.

Something else happened when our teens began to get older. THEY WANTED TO LEARN TO DRIVE!! Why do we think it’s a good idea to put young people whose hormones are messing with not only their bodies, but more importantly their brains, behind the wheel of a ton of metal and send them hurtling down the road at speeds too fast for any parent to jump out of the car when said parent starts to lose their sanity?? Most teenagers often can’t perform simple tasks like putting their dirty clothes in the hamper or making their bed. What makes us think they will be okay driving themselves around? I am absolutely positive that most of the grey hairs on my head came from sitting in the passenger seat while one of my kids drove me around. Oh, and most of our kids learned to drive in our 15 PASSENGER VAN. Go big or go home, right? At least they’ll be good at driving whatever smaller vehicle they end up with. I will say, that it was really nice when my list of places to taxi kids around to began to dwindle due to the extra drivers, but getting to that point was no walk in the park.

So, some of our kids actually made it through those teen years and the unavoidable happened. We now have adult children. Four, actually, and one about to turn 18. Did things get easier once they became adults? Well, in some ways, yes, and in other ways its just as hard. While being an adult means more responsibility, more freedom and more maturity, it also means more problems. No, not more problems, just different problems.

You see, there is a fine line when it comes to parenting adult children. Telling them what to do is a thing of the past. You just counsel them and make suggestions based on years of experience, and then you lie awake at night and worry and pray that they listen to your advice and make wise choices. Unfortunately, they don’t always make the right choices and then you have to deal with the aftermath. These types of life lessons are probably some of the hardest that you and your kids will walk through, so, get some knee pads or cushions or something, because your prayer life is about to go into overdrive at this stage of parenting!

When our kids were younger, communication with them was fairly simple. As they got to be teens and young adults, communication became more and more difficult. Kind of like walking through a mine field. Some will tell you want they know you want to hear, some won’t tell you anything, and the others will tell you more than you probably ever wanted to know. We have always encouraged our children to have open communication with us. We love to hear what is going on in their lives, and we let them know that they can talk to us about anything. Often, we have been encouraged by late night talks with our older teens and young adults. We’ve talked about everything from school plans to relationship issues to long term life goals. We have also spent some of those times praying with and for our kids, asking for wisdom and guidance.

If anyone looks at our big family and thinks that we have it all figured out, it’s only by the grace of God that it has turned out that way. Our family is by no means perfect. There are ups and downs just like everyone else has. We struggle to make the right choices when it comes to raising our kids. Often we fail and have to apologize to our kids for not setting a godly example.

I know that most of what I’ve said appears to be all about the struggles of these later years, but truth be told, all of these struggles were well worth it. By God’s grace we are now getting to see a glimpse of what He has been working on while allowing us to be the tools He chose to use to shape and fashion these precious gifts that He entrusted us with.

Our oldest, Julia, works in a bank, is engaged to a godly man, and is involved in different ministries at her church. Jim, our oldest son, works at a Christian boarding school for troubled youth in Missouri. He gives 110% at whatever he does, and he is daily fleshing out 1 Timothy 6:11-12. Our second daughter, Christiana, graduated with honors from our community college at 18 and is now in Florida pursuing a career in nursing. She spent her last summer home teaching swimming lessons at a Christian camp and her 1 Peter 3 beauty truly comes from within. Mark, our second son, has spent the last two years teaching Bible lessons to 4-6 year old kids at the same camp. He has worked in the kitchen at McDonald’s and has had several opportunities to witness to his co-workers. Ephesians 5:19 comes to mind as I can often hear him playing his ukulele throughout the day. Our seventeen year old, Nathan, also spent his last two summers at the camp working at the pool. He is getting ready for his first day at the community college and is pursuing a career in herpetology. He has encouraged me over the last few years with his diligence to have time in the Word every single morning. I am amazed at God’s grace and goodness in allowing me to see my children blossom into such fine, godly adults.

Don’t be discouraged if you don’t think you are doing well at this whole parenting thing. If God didn’t think that you could handle raising kids, He wouldn’t have blessed you with them. Children are definitely a blessing, but sometimes we lose sight of this precious truth as we get caught up in the struggles that go hand in hand with parenting. It won’t always be easy, mistakes will be made, sometimes it will be downright heart breaking and it will usually make you ask God why He ever thought you could raise miniature humans into mature adults. I assure you, by God’s grace and tons of prayer, you can raise strong, independent, godly adults who will make you proud.

 

 

 

 

A Promise Worth Making

My beautiful daughter, Alyssa, just had her thirteenth birthday. She is the last of my daughters and the eighth in our line up to hit this wonderful teenage chapter of her life. I think it’s safe to say that this isn’t my first round-up when it comes to facing the hormone induced roller coaster ride that this particular phase of growing up brings, so yeehaw y’all!

We started out her special day with meeting her dad at a Japanese buffet for an early lunch together. I enjoyed introducing her to different types of sushi and watching her find pleasure in receiving the undivided attention of both of her parents – something that is not easy to attain when you have 9 siblings! It was a delicious meal and was truly wonderful for us as parents to have one-on-one time with our girl!

After our tasty lunch, we drove to a nearby church and pulled into the empty parking lot to sit and present Alyssa with her first gift of the day. We had picked out a beautiful ring with the August birthstone on it. This would be her purity ring.

Before presenting this gift, my husband brought out a list of agreements that he and I had prayed about and carefully put together eleven years ago, just before our oldest, Julia, had her thirteenth birthday. We decided early on in our parenting journey, that we wanted to make a covenant with each of our children when they got older. This covenant would be a promise not just between them and us as their parents, but all three of us would be making a promise to our heavenly Father.

While this covenant is worded a little differently for our boys then it is for our girls, the heart of the promise is the same. We are asking them to trust God’s design in placing them under our protection and in our care until they reach the place in their adult life when God leads them from our home to a new life independent from us as their parents. We are asking them to rely on the wisdom that we have gained through a life time of experience as well as studying God’s Word and to trust that we have their best interests at heart.

A big part of this promise is to agree to maintain their sexual purity and to be able to experience this for the first time with the person that they love the most, within the confines of marriage. Our desire for them is to allow God to bring the right person at the right time and for that person to be someone who is pursuing God and will value our son or daughter as precious and worth waiting for. While we are not planning any arranged marriages, we do ask that they allow us to have a say in their relationship decisions and that they be open to any insights or concerns that we may have about the person that they are dating.

We realize that this is not a common way of approaching guy/girl relationships in this day and age, even in the Christian community, but we believe that the purity of the children that God has entrusted us with is worth going against the modern way of thinking that can lead to poor choices, baggage from being involved emotionally and physically in multiple relationships, immorality, and far to often, failed and broken marriages. We are called to stand and be different, not to do things the same way as everyone else.

When we make this covenant with our children, we also present them with a ring to symbolize the commitment they are making. They will wear this ring on the fourth finger of their left hand, the same place that perhaps one day, they will wear a wedding ring. This can often lead to inquiries from others as to why they have a ring on that finger. We want our kids to be proud to wear their rings and not be ashamed to show that they are committed to purity. We live in a world where sin is lurking around every corner and temptation is waiting behind every door. These rings can also serve as a reminder to them of their covenant when they are faced with either of these.

We do not take this agreement lightly, and we make sure that our teens know the seriousness of what they are committing to. So far, eight of our kids have agreed to this covenant, including our birthday girl, Alyssa. We are proud of each one of them for being willing to take a stand for purity, and though it is not an easy or popular promise to make, we believe that it is a promise worth making.

Purity ring

The Greatest To-Do List Ever

If you are like me, you like to have a daily to-do list for your kids, and maybe even for yourself to keep everyone on task and get things done. This list may be the same every day, like that list of chores that MUST be done in order for your kids to receive privileges or allowance. Maybe this list is something you’ve put together for the summer of projects around the house that you want to get done before school starts up again. I have a mental check list that I use when company is coming over to make sure my home is clean and has a welcoming atmosphere. The chore chart for my kids breaks down into who has what room for a particular week and what particular tasks have to be done in order for that room to be cleaned properly. These lists can be really helpful. Daily routine makes a house run much smoother than if you try and “wing it” with the housework.

Chore assignments Chore chart

If I ditch the routine, I usually find myself in one of two places. The first one is what I like to call the mom martyr. You know what I’m talking about. I walk around the house doing ALL the chores, picking up ALL the messes, none of which I made of course, all the while thinking to myself how ungrateful the people living under this roof are, and how NOBODY cleans up after themselves, and maybe if I took all of their toys and video games away and they had nothing to make messes with, our house would be clean all the time. When I move into the kitchen, the mental tirade continues. “Oh, its okay to make your own food because you’re really hungry, but cleaning up afterwards…Oh right! That’s the maid’s job! Yup! I am just a glorified maid around here. Nobody appreciates all the work that I do for them. Sheesh! And then there’s the bathroom! Do these kids actually spit on the mirror when they brush their teeth, or is their aim actually that bad?? Speaking of aim, what about that toilet? Ew! Gross!” The reason that I call this the mom martyr, is because even though I have all these thoughts swirling around my head, I never once mention these things to anyone. I just silently fume while doing it all myself.

The other place I go to when we are without a routine is what I like to call mom on a mission. My kids would probably call it mom blows her top, but either way, it’s not pretty, and it’s anything but silent. ALL of my fuming is done rather loudly and if I can see you or hear you, or if I know that you are somewhere in the house, you’d better come running and listen to my ultimatum about either cleaning the house and pulling your weight or losing ALL the privileges! Signs are taped to the kitchen wall saying, “If the dishwasher is full of clean dishes, EMPTY IT! If the sink is full of dirty dishes, put them in the dishwasher or if the dishwasher is running, WASH ALL THE DISHES BY HAND!!!!!” Kids are running scared for the vacuum cleaner, broom, cleaning wipes and window cleaner. If a kid is REALLY smart, they escape outside to do yard work, because that has to be done too, but at least mom is busy yelling at all the people inside. I’m not proud of it, but that’s what happens if I don’t make my kids stick to their daily to-do lists.

I should probably mention that we don’t do allowance in our house. Everyone is expected to help out, because that is the only way our house will run smoothly. Now, we aren’t opposed to paying our kids for doing extra chores if they need to make some money, we just don’t think that our kids need to be paid for cleaning up after themselves. That being said, keeping them on task with their chores isn’t as simple as them not getting any money if they skip their chores. Consequences for work not done can have many different faces. Sometimes electronics disappear. Other times, it might simply be having to stop whatever you’re in the middle of (even sleeping) and being made to do the chore right then. Maybe you miss the next outing with friends or some other fun activity you wanted to do. I’ve even pulled the John Smith card and told them that they couldn’t have their dinner until the job was done. Turns out that eating can be an amazing incentive!

I have to be honest here and tell you that we have a vicious cycle that happens with chores in our house. The kids are really great about doing all their chores for a while, and then they start to let it slip bit by bit. I have to start calling people from their rooms to remind them to do their chores, or sometimes it gets to be bedtime and I ask if everyone did their chores that day, and there is either a volley of excuses and half-hearted apologies or it just gets really quiet and their silence speaks for itself.The lists work for about 6-8 weeks before the mom martyr hits, followed soon after by mom on a mission. After that, Dad gets involved and we have a family meeting. We talk about how a house with as many people as we have living under the same roof can’t run itself. Everyone has to do their share. My husband is my champion and makes sure the kids know that I am most definitely NOT a maid and that I should not be the one cleaning up all of THEIR messes. We remind them of their list of responsibilities, counsel them to do better, and then the cycle starts again.

We can use lists for all areas of our lives. Grocery lists, lists for what clothes the kids need, lists to keep track of school work, car maintenance, budget and on and on. What about my personal life? Is there a list to keep myself on task with that? Absolutely! There is a master to-do list that far too often, I seem to forget about. It can make anyone’s life run much smoother and will help make you into a person that others will look up to and admire. It’s a list that will also help you pursue a better way of living, and I can’t think of anyone who doesn’t want to better themselves. The things on this list are not always easy tasks to complete, but they are important for living a life that glorifies God. You can find this list in Romans chapter 12. I’ll paraphrase and put this list into modern, everyday terms:

  1. Love others with a genuine love.
  2. Hate evil and cling to what is good.
  3. Love others with a brotherly love.
  4. Do better than everyone else in honoring others.
  5. Don’t be lazy in serving God.
  6. Rejoice in hope.
  7. Have patience when you’re going through hard times.
  8. Constantly be in prayer.
  9. Give to the needy.
  10. Show hospitality.
  11. Bless the people that are unkind to you.
  12. Share in other people’s joy, but be willing to share in their sadness as well.
  13. Get along with others.
  14. Don’t be too proud to love on those less fortunate then you.
  15. Never be wise in your own eyes.
  16. Don’t repay evil with evil.
  17. Have integrity.
  18. Live in peace with everyone as much as it depends on you.
  19. Leave revenge up to God.
  20. Don’t give in to evil, rather overcome evil with good.

Like I said, not everything on this list is easy to accomplish, but it is what God desires of us. It’s a good thing that He is patient with us and will help us learn to model our lives after the life of His son, Jesus. We just need to be faithful in making the tasks on this list a daily habit. Just like our daily to-do lists help us to keep our houses in order, this list can help us to keep our spiritual lives in order, and maybe those watching us will recognize something different in our lives. Something real. Something that will point them to Christ.