(With the new year approaching quickly, I thought I would share something I wrote a few years ago, in hopes that it will encourage someone who may be in the same place that I was at that time. Since then, I have moved beyond my oldest children being in the teenage stage and into having young adult/married adult children. This stage of life has come with a whole new set of life lessons to reflect back on, but that will have to be put in a separate post!)

If I could write to you,
What would I say?
Would you even want to hear?
Would the words of caution from me looking back change who we are?
Would it make you choose a different path in hopes of being a better person, a better wife, a better mother?

Remember as a little girl, the times you would run and tell the wrongs that others had done, but hide the truth about yourself? I’ve learned that talking about others should only happen on my knees in prayer; that offering kindness and friendship is better than offering judgment or holding onto a grudge. Look for the good in others and remember that they are only human and are prone to make mistakes – just like you are. I’ve learned that being honest and accepting correction makes others value what I have to say.

Remember back when you were scared of the unknown? You were quiet and shy around new people and never wanted things to change. I’ve learned that there is adventure in the unknown, and that sometimes you have to leave the past behind and step out of your comfort zone and try new things in order to grow and be changed into someone that God can use more effectively.

Remember being full of pride because you led a privileged life that was every child’s dream? Lots of space to run and play, animals to enjoy and the fame that came with letting others know whose daughter you were. Since then, I’ve discovered that the things that we hold tightly to can be taken away in a heartbeat. Living with less can actually be more of a blessing because you learn to value things that are eternal. Instead of drawing attention to myself because of who I am, my life should be pointing others to My Heavenly Father, because of who He is and what He has done for me.

Remember falling in love with the most amazing guy and struggling to keep your promise to hold onto your purity and save everything for when you got married? You promised to love and respect him forever and to honor him as your leader, provider, and protector. He’s still an amazing guy, and I’ve learned that honoring and respecting him brings honor and respect to God; submitting to his authority keeps order in our home. I’ve learned that he needs to be shown that I love him, not just told, and that I should love him unselfishly and unconditionally. I now cherish every moment I have with him, knowing that he loves me as Christ loves the church.

Remember when you first started having babies and you wondered if God made a mistake entrusting you with the care of a precious little one who was dependent on you for everything? I now see that motherhood was the greatest calling that God could have given me. Children are truly a blessing and I have the privilege of raising disciples, who, by the grace of God, will one day fulfill the calling that He has for their lives.

Remember those seemingly endless days when your kids were little and you felt like you never had a moment alone? Remember feeling like a failure because you lost your temper and snapped at them over some small offense? I know now that I may not always set the best example for my kids, but I can show them what humility looks like by apologizing when I lose my patience or when I react in anger instead of responding in loving correction. I’ve learned to treasure those times that memories are made of, because before I know it, they’re not little children any longer.

Remember holding your sixteen week old son in the palm of your hand and crying because you would never see your child run and play, never kiss him good night, or see him grow into a man? You questioned why God would bless you with a child only to have him snatched away. I’ve learned that God has a purpose for everything, and that He gives and takes away, not to punish us, but to develop steadfastness which in turn develops our faith and trust in Him. He takes that experience and uses it to encourage others going through the same thing. I am confident that when God takes me to heaven, I will be greeted not only by my Savior, but by my four precious children that He called home before me.

Remember when your teenagers started making decisions for themselves and began expressing interest in the opposite sex, and all you wanted to do was go back to when they were little because this stage of life was too hard to deal with? Now I embrace this part of their life because those little children that I nurtured and trained up have grown into strong young men and women who I am proud of and who have become some of my best friends. They truly love the Lord and the people that they have become reflects that love to those around them.

So if I could step back in time and tell you all these things so that you wouldn’t have to learn the hard way, would I do that? Would I save you the heart aches and the struggles that I’ve been through in hopes that we would turn out to be a better person?

My answer would have to be “no”. No, I would not save myself the heartache. No, I would not take the struggles for an easier life. No, I wouldn’t change a single thing. You see, those very struggles that we went through, all the lessons that we learned, those things have shaped us into the person that we are today. They define us and they remind us of how far we’ve come and what we have been able to leave behind. They’ve taught us that we can wear the mask of being a good Christian in the words we speak or in living a certain lifestyle so that people think that we are worthy of some kind of spiritual recognition, but without compassion, humility, grace and the integrity to do what is right even in the face of adversity, our life would virtually be for nothing, because who we really are is what we hold inside of us. Is it something that we would rather hide from those watching, looking at us to see if we are truly as righteous as we appear to be, or are we willing to be transparent and let others see that we aren’t perfect; that we struggle with sin and doubts and we need to be accountable to others who, like us, are trying to be like Christ?

So—if I could say anything to you, if I could pass on any wisdom that I’ve managed to obtain from life so far, it would be to press on through your struggles. Keep fighting for righteousness when trials come. Don’t give up when you think that you are failing, because it is during these times that God is shaping you into the beautiful person that He already sees you to be.
Don’t give up.

Love,
Me