Month: September 2018

Multi-tasking: The Mom Super Power

If you’ve been a mom for years or if you’ve only been a mom for a few weeks, you know that we are multi-tasking masters! From the time that we wake up to the time our eyes finally close at the end of the day, our lives are filled with doing many things at the same time! If you are a new mom, you might be just learning how to do many things at once, but if you have reached the point where your kids are double digits and older, then you most likely have black belt level multi-tasking skills that those observing should be in awe of.
Let me give those of you who aren’t sure what I am talking about a glimpse into  possible real life scenarios that we moms face every single day. It might go something like this:

SCENE 1

It’s 7:45 in the morning, and we have planned to take a field trip to Washington DC with some of our friends who we are supposed to meet at 8:30 at the nearby park-and-ride. I had all the kids pack their lunches the night before and I woke them up at 7:00 so that we would not be late. My two youngest are sitting at the table slowly eating their breakfast, two kids are wandering around the kitchen trying to figure out what they are supposed to eat for their breakfast and one more kid is still up in their room and I have no idea if they are actually awake yet.

Mom: (to the 2 kids eating) We have to leave in 15 minutes. Hurry up and finish your food. (Turns to the 2 wandering around the kitchen while she is gathering all the packed lunches) What are you doing? We have to leave soon. Did you eat anything yet?

Wandering kid 1: I don’t know what to eat. There’s nothing I like.

Wandering kid 2: I don’t want to eat anything. I always feel sick in the car if I eat before driving that far.

Mom: (to the 2 kids eating) Finish those last bites and then put your dishes in the dishwasher. After that go find your shoes and put them on. (To wandering kid 1) I JUST went shopping. What do you mean there’s nothing you like? What is it that you are looking for? We have cereal, fruit, bagels, waffles, toast, eggs, sausage… you don’t like ANY of those things? Make me a list of things you will eat for breakfast and next time I shop I’ll try and get some of those things. For now, just pick something because we are leaving in ten minutes. (To wandering kid 2) Okay, well, grab something that you can take in the car in case you get hungry later. Oh, and grab a bucket in case you get car sick.

Kid 1 eating: I can’t finish my waffle. I’m full.

Kid 2 eating: I’m done!

Mom: (to kids eating) You literally have ONE bite left. Put it in your mouth and take care of your dishes and get your shoes on. If you are done, your dishes should be put away and you should be getting your shoes on. (Helps kids not so gently out of their seats and guides them toward the kitchen with their dishes in hand while hollering up the steps to possible sleeping kid:) “We are leaving in 5 minutes! Hurry up!”

Wandering kid 1: Fine. I’ll just have some toast. Can you braid my hair?

Mom: Okay, sure. (While putting all the breakfast things away says to kids now finished eating) You HAVE to find your shoes right now and put them on. (To wanderer 2:) “If you’re not going to eat anything, then PLEASE help your brothers find their shoes. We are going to be late.”

Kid 1 looking for shoes: I can only find one of my flip flops! It’s not with the other one!

Mom: (While braiding kid’s hair) It got pushed down the steps into the TV room. Look down there. Hey, someone feed the fish!

Possible sleeping kid: (walks slowly down the steps into the kitchen) Do I have time for a shower? I didn’t hear you wake us up.

Mom: (trying to keep her cool while finishing braiding hair) Nope! We are getting ready to load up in 2 minutes. You need to get your stuff together and we HAVE to leave. (Turns to Kid 2 who is supposed to be putting shoes on) Why are you playing with Legos????? Why are your shoes not on? Put your shoes on now, and get into the car. Did anyone feed the dog? (Checks dog dish, sees that it’s empty and fills it with food) Did everyone go to the bathroom? I am not stopping for potty breaks on the way down to DC. Everyone make sure you go before you get in the car. (To kid 1 who FINALLY found their shoe:) “Your face has syrup all over it. Make sure you wash it when you wash your hands after going to the bathroom.” (To wandering kid 1:) “Your toast is finished. Put it in a sandwich bag and take it in the car. (Walks outside and checks temperature) It’s a little chilly. Everyone grab a jacket or hoodie to take with you in the car. Did everyone grab their lunches by the front door? Someone take the cooler of drinks out to the van. (Checks to make sure everyone is out of the house, locks the door and gets in the van) Great! We are supposed to meet our friends in 10 minutes and the place is 20 minutes away! Well, crud.”

SCENE 2

Our house in the morning during a school day:  We’ve finished breakfast and Bible time together and everyone has begun their different subjects. Mom is sitting at the table with the youngest doing math, working on school schedules and paying bills.

Mom: If you have 4 candies and I give you one more, how many do you have?

Kid doing Algebra downstairs on the computer: Mom!!!! I need help!

Mom: (to kid downstairs) Okay! Just a minute! (Turns to kid at table) How many candies to you have? What’s one more than 4?

Kid upstairs: Mom! How many pages am I supposed to read in History?

Mom: (checks History assignments while finishing up with the bills) Pages 12-23. Do the questions at the end! (To kid at table) Do you know how many 1 more is than 4, sweetie? Oh, you wrote the 5 already? Good job! Now, color this elephant in while I go downstairs and see what your sister needs. (Walks through kitchen and sees her teacup filled with cold tea sitting on the counter, so she sticks it in the microwave to warm up while she is helping kid downstairs)

Kid upstairs: What were those pages again?

Mom: (hollering from downstairs) 12-23 and do the questions after!! (Turns to kid at computer:) “What’s the problem?”

Algebra kid: I don’t understand this. How is this answer wrong? I did it just the way they said to in the lecture.

Mom: Ummmm, let me look at the book. Hang on.

Kid doing math up at the table: Mom! I’m done the elephant! Am I done math?

Mom: No! Color the tiger next. Stay in the lines!

Kid upstairs: Do I have to write all the questions? Can I just tell you the answers?

Mom: Yes. Write them all out. You’re in high school. Do the work.Can you please stop hollering down here? I’m trying to help with Algebra! (Turns to Algebra kid:) “Let me show you on paper how to do this.” (Shows kid how and then goes back up to the kitchen and starts to put food in the crock pot for dinner)

Kid at table: I’m done the tiger!

Mom: (puts top on crock pot and goes to finish math at the table) Sorry buddy! Let’s finish these last 5 problems.

Algebra kid: Mom! I need help again!

Mom: (to Algebra kid) Do all the problems you know how and then I’ll come help with the rest. I need to finish with your brother. (Hears microwave beeping and realizes she forgot her tea AGAIN so she gets up and grabs her tea and brings it to the table) Okay. How many bears are on this page? Can you find them all?

Kid on break wanders in: Mom! Look at this cool ship I builted out of Legos!

Mom: Not builted. Built. There’s no “ED” after it. That’s really cool, dude, but I need you to go back and play for 5 more minutes so that I can finish with your brother here. Oh, shoot! I forgot to finish with the crock pot. Did you finish counting the bears? I’ll be right back. I need to finish getting dinner ready. Write how many bears.

Algebra kid: I’m done!

Kid upstairs: Can I have the computer then?

Mom: Not yet! I have to help her with Algebra still, and I’m not finished with your brother’s math yet! (Finishes putting dinner in the crock pot and turns it on before sitting back down at the table.) I’m almost done up here! Just give me a second. (Takes a sip of her COLD tea) *Sigh*

Sound familiar to anyone? I could write lots and lots of different scenarios, all in which the mom is busy doing multiple things at the same time and with all different people. I believe that this is a special ability that God gives us when we are blessed with children because, let’s be real for a moment here: how else would our houses run properly? Who else could manage all of these things at one time? We’ve got our kids to look after and help with school (be it home school or just home work), we have a house to maintain and keep clean, we have to do all the shopping, the cooking, the driving kids back and forth to all their different sports, youth groups etc, not to mention our wonderful husbands who come home after a busy day and also need our love and attention. There is absolutely NO WAY we could get everything done without the ability of multi-tasking. I’m sure of it.

Some people look on and say, “I don’t know how you do it all. You must be exhausted all the time.” Not so much. I mean, yeah, I get tired just like everyone else, and sometimes my days can be exhausting, but do I feel tired ALL THE TIME? No. I don’t. As a mom of many kids, I think that I thrive on doing all the things all the time. It’s who God made me to be. I honestly think that if I just had one thing to do at a time all the time, I would get bored and I wouldn’t be nearly as productive as I am now. Maybe it’s pride speaking, but I love being able to multi-task as much as I do. Hey, it’s my mom super power!

One thing I will admit, though. Sometimes it gets overwhelming. There are times when I feel like I’ve stretched myself farther than I should. I’ve committed to too much or just simply taken on too many tasks all at once. At this point, I feel like I’ve worn myself down so that I am running on fumes. Some of you might be nodding now in agreement because you’ve been here. You’ve reached the point where you feel like you have nothing left to give. It’s like you’re empty.

I have always thought that if I started out my day spending time in the Word and talking to God, then He would fill me up with enough grace to overflow onto the rest of my family. I think that I need to change my perspective. Don’t get me wrong, here. I still believe that starting my day with my quiet time is absolutely and positively the best way for me to begin my day. Spending time with my Father before I jump into my multi-tasking whirl wind is the only way to keep my sanity! What I am talking about is changing the way I see myself. I’ve always imagined myself like a pot that needs to be filled in order to be poured out for others. I believe that I need to view myself instead, as an open-ended conduit of God’s grace, compassion, kindness, love and power. He is constantly giving and if I stay connected to His unending grace and power, I will be able to maintain my ability to give endlessly of myself to those who depend on me day after day. My body may get tired, but my spirit will stay renewed and ready to give.

Maybe it’s time to take a step back and evaluate where you are in your relationship with God. How do you view yourself? Are you more of a pot that comes back to be refilled now and then, or are you staying connected so that you can allow His grace and power to flow through you all the time? I want to stay connected to Him so that when my family needs me, they can see the power of God flowing through me and flowing out to meet their many needs all at the same time.

drinking fountain

 

 

 

Personal Retreats: Stepping Away To Gain a Fresh Perspective

Last weekend, I did something that I think is super important for everyone to do at least once in their life. I went away all by myself. I left my family and all the “mom things” behind that I usually do for 36 hours of much needed alone time. I needed to gain a fresh perspective on my life.

This is a luxury that I don’t often indulge in. I love my family and I love being with my family. That urge to “get away from it all” is not something that I am very familiar with, but when that urge comes, it’s usually because I am drained; physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. That’s where I found myself a few weeks ago, and I knew it was time to step away.

If you are a parent, you know that our job can be super taxing on multiple levels. We give and give and give of ourselves, and then when we are pretty sure we don’t have anything left, we somehow are able to give some more. Food in the cupboards, meals on the table three (or more) times a day, clean clothes on all the bodies, taxi service 24/7, teacher, counselor, mentor, referee, judge, organizer of schedules, wiper of tears, snot and all other bodily fluids…and this is just the physical needs that we meet everyday. How about all the praying, the agonizing about the different stages our kids are in or the fear of failing our family that tends to creep up on us so often?

Our school year is quickly approaching, and I realized that if I was going to start this year off well, I first had to tend to my own needs. There is no way that I would be able to meet everyone else’s needs for the duration of another school year if I was trying to draw water from a well that was painfully dry. What I needed was a personal retreat.

If you’ve never taken a personal retreat then you are most likely due for one. Family vacations don’t count. A romantic get-away with your spouse doesn’t count either. Both of these are absolutely wonderful and I definitely encourage them, but neither of them will provide you with the same results that a personal retreat can. Let me share with you what my retreat looked like.

CHOOSE YOUR LOCATION

First, I needed to choose a place that I could get to with not too much travel time. If you are consumed with the hassle of getting to your destination, then you are going to end up arriving there super frazzled, and it will take you time to settle down from your trip. This is not a great way to start a retreat.

I chose to go about 2 hours away, to the eastern shore of Maryland. I have family there, and I was blessed to be able to use this wonderful little boathouse situated on the beautiful Choptank River. My uncle built this house for his in-laws to be used specifically for retreats. It’s not very big, but it was perfect for my needs.

CHOOSE HOW LONG YOU WILL STAY AND PREPARE ACCORDINGLY

One or two nights is usually a good amount of time for a retreat like this. I chose to leave early on Saturday morning and come home Sunday evening. This gave me almost 2 full days of refreshing my body as well as my soul. I packed enough food to last this entire time so that I wouldn’t need to drive anywhere. I chose simple meals that didn’t need much preparing. Things like chips and salsa, microwave dinners and already prepared salads. If you end up in a hotel like I did for my first retreat, restaurants can be relaxing during this time as well. Take the opportunity to let someone wait on you for a change!

MAKE A LIST OF ALL THE THINGS YOU WANT TO BRING

My list was relatively short. I took a notebook and pen, several different books, my clothes, toiletries, food and lots of water. I also brought my bathing suit and towel so that I could go kayaking on the river!

BE PREPARED TO STAY OFF OF SOCIAL MEDIA

One great way to eat up all of your time on a retreat, is to get sucked into spending time on Facebook, Instagram or any other social media. Remember, you are here to get away from it all and be by yourself! You can do without those things for two days, I promise. I did pack my phone and charger. I had to be realistic and not make myself COMPLETELY unreachable. I also use my phone for pictures, and the river is such a great place to capture God’s creation!

          

 

            

CLEAR YOUR MIND BY SPENDING TIME PRAISING GOD

Once I was settled in and got all of my things put away, I grabbed my notebook and wrote down as many attributes and characteristics of God that I could think of, and while writing them, I praised Him for those things. This helped me to get the focus off of all of my problems and anything that was going on back home, and onto the One who is in control of all of the things that had been consuming my mind. There is no better way to start off this time than by glorifying the One who invites me to lay all of my cares at His feet and who says, “Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

GET RID OF ANYTHING STANDING IN YOUR WAY OF COMMUNICATING WITH GOD

After spending time praising God, I spent the next bit of time confessing any sin in my life that I was aware of. My list included things like losing patience with the kids, spending too much time on my phone and not showing my husband often enough how much I love and appreciate him as my spouse and the father of our kids. I wanted to make sure that I was right before God before I began to pour out my requests to Him.

POUR OUT YOUR HEART

At this point, I was ready to begin talking to God about all of things that were weighing on my heart and mind. I grabbed a kayak and headed out onto the river to pray. I spent several hours drifting around the river while I prayed in depth for every single person in my family. I prayed for specific needs as well as for wisdom to know how to be a better wife and mom and to know how to best serve in these roles. I prayed for direction. I prayed for grace. I prayed for my friends. I prayed until I had nothing left to pray about.

REST YOUR BODY

After hours of paddling around, I was tired and I was hungry! I had a tasty little lunch and then a much needed nap. It’s not easy for me to justify taking a nap back at home (although I do take naps occasionally) but one of the reasons I take these retreats is to catch up on my physical rest, so I took advantage of the fact that nobody needed me for the next two days,and I slept when needed. I think I took 2 naps the first day, went to bed around 8:30 and then napped the next day as well. It was truly wonderful!

START A BOOK THAT YOU’VE BEEN WANTING TO READ

I love a good book.I used to read all the time. If you would ask me what I was reading, sometimes I would tell you about several books that I was reading at the same time. Not so much these days. I still love to read, I just don’t take the time to do it as often as I would like. When I get into a good book, I tend to tune out of everything else going on. Yeah. Not really a good thing when you are trying to run a house, school your kids or serve your husband. So, I don’t read as much as I would like. That is why I love to get into a new book or two when I go away. I brought a few devotional books that I wanted to check out as well as a good old Christian romance novel. I read the entire novel and I decided on my next book to use to supplement my quiet time. Yay for reading time!

ENJOY THE QUIET

This is one of my favorite parts of a personal retreat. I think that one of the most important spiritual disciplines as well as one of the most difficult to practice, is the discipline of silence and solitude. Praying comes pretty easily, especially when you are at home with all of your little “blessings” running around. Rapid fire prayers are sent toward heaven all day long. Prayers like, “God, give me patience”, “God give me grace”, “God, give me wisdom” or the most common prayer for a mom is simply, “God, HELP!” I often fall asleep praying at night and I take time to pray in the early hours of the morning after saying goodbye to my husband as he goes off to work. What I don’t often get, is enough time alone to experience real silence so that I can hear God talking back to me and answering those prayers. When you have a relationship with someone, the best way to communicate is through conversation. It’s really hard to learn anything about the other person if you are always the one doing all of the talking. That is why I loved the quiet that I got while I was at the river. I could finally stop and listen long enough to hear what Jesus wanted to say to me. Sometimes He answered requests that were made and other times He showed me areas of my life that need improvement. Most of all, He simply assured me of His great love for me.

Watching sunrises and sunsets is one my favorite things to do, so when I saw the pink sky through the window of the boathouse, I got out of bed and grabbed my phone, my jacket and a warm blanket and headed outside to take in the beauty and to enjoy the quiet of the early morning.

                  

The rest of my Sunday was spent doing more reading, praying, listening to some worship songs and sitting on the deck of the house simply basking in the beauty of God’s creation. I had lunch, tidied up, took a nap in the sun and then loaded up my things and headed home feeling like a different person than when I arrived just the day before.

Your own personal retreat probably won’t look anything like mine. Every person has different needs that have to be filled in different ways than anyone else. Getting out into nature might not be your thing. Maybe you’re more of a soak in a hot tub full of bubbles kind of person, or maybe you need to go sit on a beach somewhere listening to the waves crash and the gulls cry. Whatever helps you to relax and unwind and ultimately be refreshed in body, mind and soul, is something that you should take the time to indulge in every once in awhile. Your kids might not understand why you want to leave and go somewhere alone, but ultimately, your family will thank you when they see the difference that it can make when you come back to them refreshed, invigorated and ready to face life again.