Someone said to my husband the other day that after ten kids, we must have this whole parenting thing figured out. HA! Shoot. Not even close. This isn’t the first time someone has assumed that because we have a lot of kids, we must really know what we are doing. I get comments all the time from people who don’t know a thing about me, but from what they can see, they think my husband and I have it all together when it comes to raising kids. Comments such as, “You have ten kids? Oh, you must be a saint!” Honey, you haven’t seen me after I discovered that my seven year old made a “special mix” in the bathroom using all the soap and BRIGHT RED hair dye. Oh, and how about that time my husband and daughter brought home a puppy to surprise me? Not pretty. Yeah, I kissed sainthood goodbye when my first kid reached two.
When we had 8 kids that were all under the age of eleven, we felt like we did have parenting down to a fine art. We could change a diaper in the dark, get a kid dressed while they were squirming around like some wild demon possessed animal, we had potty training down to a science, all the kids were in bed asleep by 9:00, and home schooling at that time came pretty easy since everyone was in 6th grade or under. By the time I had kid number eight, I could nurse a baby and cook dinner at the same time, I would take all eight to the grocery store and not forget any items on my list, and I could pull off family vacation without a hitch. I would brag and say that we made it to church on time every Sunday with everyone clothed, fed, and in their right mind, but that actually never happened.
Enter the adolescent years. There is absolutely NOTHING that can prepare you for these years. Books on parenting, online tutorials, documentaries and even talking with other parents who have already raised kids going through puberty can only give you a glimpse of the nightmare you are about to face. Every single child handles this stage of their life in a different way, and each unique individual, God love ’em, will drive you up the wall, over the edge, to the brink of insanity and possibly to an early grave.
The first thing that you might notice in your pubescent teenager is a change in their emotions. We’ve hosted a very wide range of teenage emotions in our house over the years. Most of them were related to hormones in one way or another. Crying for absolutely no reason, angry outbursts, extreme sullenness or extreme exuberance, irritability, stubbornness, being absent minded and being extremely annoying. These are just the first ones that came to mind, but the list could go on and on.
The emotions are just the tip off the ice burg when it comes to young teenagers who are whacked out because of hormones! Something happens to their decision making abilities. It’s like they go offline or something. In our house we refer to this as the “duh factor”. You know when you ask your teen a normal question, like, “Did you take the trash to the curb this morning?”, and they look at you with a blank stare as if you were speaking to them in some unknown language? Yeah.The “duh factor”.
As these young teenagers began to get older, we had to start thinking about relating to the opposite sex. Oh. My. Goodness. Some of them were super interested and some of them wanted absolutely nothing to do with any of it. Others just accepted the fact that there was such a thing as girl/guy attraction and that one day it would probably affect them in some way or another. No two kids felt the same way about this subject, and so with each new teenager we had to approach it in a different way than we had before.
Something else happened when our teens began to get older. THEY WANTED TO LEARN TO DRIVE!! Why do we think it’s a good idea to put young people whose hormones are messing with not only their bodies, but more importantly their brains, behind the wheel of a ton of metal and send them hurtling down the road at speeds too fast for any parent to jump out of the car when said parent starts to lose their sanity?? Most teenagers often can’t perform simple tasks like putting their dirty clothes in the hamper or making their bed. What makes us think they will be okay driving themselves around? I am absolutely positive that most of the grey hairs on my head came from sitting in the passenger seat while one of my kids drove me around. Oh, and most of our kids learned to drive in our 15 PASSENGER VAN. Go big or go home, right? At least they’ll be good at driving whatever smaller vehicle they end up with. I will say, that it was really nice when my list of places to taxi kids around to began to dwindle due to the extra drivers, but getting to that point was no walk in the park.
So, some of our kids actually made it through those teen years and the unavoidable happened. We now have adult children. Four, actually, and one about to turn 18. Did things get easier once they became adults? Well, in some ways, yes, and in other ways its just as hard. While being an adult means more responsibility, more freedom and more maturity, it also means more problems. No, not more problems, just different problems.
You see, there is a fine line when it comes to parenting adult children. Telling them what to do is a thing of the past. You just counsel them and make suggestions based on years of experience, and then you lie awake at night and worry and pray that they listen to your advice and make wise choices. Unfortunately, they don’t always make the right choices and then you have to deal with the aftermath. These types of life lessons are probably some of the hardest that you and your kids will walk through, so, get some knee pads or cushions or something, because your prayer life is about to go into overdrive at this stage of parenting!
When our kids were younger, communication with them was fairly simple. As they got to be teens and young adults, communication became more and more difficult. Kind of like walking through a mine field. Some will tell you want they know you want to hear, some won’t tell you anything, and the others will tell you more than you probably ever wanted to know. We have always encouraged our children to have open communication with us. We love to hear what is going on in their lives, and we let them know that they can talk to us about anything. Often, we have been encouraged by late night talks with our older teens and young adults. We’ve talked about everything from school plans to relationship issues to long term life goals. We have also spent some of those times praying with and for our kids, asking for wisdom and guidance.
If anyone looks at our big family and thinks that we have it all figured out, it’s only by the grace of God that it has turned out that way. Our family is by no means perfect. There are ups and downs just like everyone else has. We struggle to make the right choices when it comes to raising our kids. Often we fail and have to apologize to our kids for not setting a godly example.
I know that most of what I’ve said appears to be all about the struggles of these later years, but truth be told, all of these struggles were well worth it. By God’s grace we are now getting to see a glimpse of what He has been working on while allowing us to be the tools He chose to use to shape and fashion these precious gifts that He entrusted us with.
Our oldest, Julia, works in a bank, is engaged to a godly man, and is involved in different ministries at her church. Jim, our oldest son, works at a Christian boarding school for troubled youth in Missouri. He gives 110% at whatever he does, and he is daily fleshing out 1 Timothy 6:11-12. Our second daughter, Christiana, graduated with honors from our community college at 18 and is now in Florida pursuing a career in nursing. She spent her last summer home teaching swimming lessons at a Christian camp and her 1 Peter 3 beauty truly comes from within. Mark, our second son, has spent the last two years teaching Bible lessons to 4-6 year old kids at the same camp. He has worked in the kitchen at McDonald’s and has had several opportunities to witness to his co-workers. Ephesians 5:19 comes to mind as I can often hear him playing his ukulele throughout the day. Our seventeen year old, Nathan, also spent his last two summers at the camp working at the pool. He is getting ready for his first day at the community college and is pursuing a career in herpetology. He has encouraged me over the last few years with his diligence to have time in the Word every single morning. I am amazed at God’s grace and goodness in allowing me to see my children blossom into such fine, godly adults.
Don’t be discouraged if you don’t think you are doing well at this whole parenting thing. If God didn’t think that you could handle raising kids, He wouldn’t have blessed you with them. Children are definitely a blessing, but sometimes we lose sight of this precious truth as we get caught up in the struggles that go hand in hand with parenting. It won’t always be easy, mistakes will be made, sometimes it will be downright heart breaking and it will usually make you ask God why He ever thought you could raise miniature humans into mature adults. I assure you, by God’s grace and tons of prayer, you can raise strong, independent, godly adults who will make you proud.
